Fallen Colt
by Fyremoon
Summary: “ No, Darry! Pony left us, I don’t care if that drug stopped his heart, he would’ve found a way to die anyway! I want to hate him Darry, I want to so bad it hurts, but I can’t!!” I yelled chap 26 up
1. Default Chapter

** Scratches and Accidents******

** Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**   
**A/N Here's brand new story from me, Fyremoon. I hope you guys like it.**   
**The first chapter is kind of short. I just wanted to start this story off slow.**

*Pony's POV* 

" Darry where are the bandages?" I called.   
" They're in the medicine cabinet. Why?"   
"I ummm scratched myself by accident" I told him.   
I heard Darry sigh and Two Bit make some joke about me being accident prone. Sure, my entire life was full of accidents. Mom and Dad's car crash was an accident. When Johnny killed Bob in self - defense, that was an accident. The church fire was just an accident. I hated accidents. I opened the cabinet and then applied the band aid on the small scratch on my inner elbow. It was one of several going up and down my arms. All accidents. I walked into the living room and tried to act normal. Then, I had to remind myself that nothing was wrong. It was just a silly little scratch.   
" Hey Pony," Johnny greeted me, leaning on his crutches.   
"Hey man," I returned the greeting.   
The doctors said that Johnny' ll be able to get off the crutches soon, and then start on physical therapy. I remember that night in the hospital when Dally and I thought Johnny had died. Dally panicked and ran out. I stood there for a minute in disbelief. Before I ran out after Dally, I took another look at Johnny's bed. I could see the sheet rising and falling above his chest. He wasn't dead. When I reached Dally I managed to stop him from being shot by the cops. That prevented another accident. Then I fell feverishly unconscious, and was really sick and delirious for a while.   
" So another scratch, Pony?" Dally asked me.   
" Uhh yeah, I guess I should be more careful,"I said quickly.   
Steve was coming out of the kitchen and he bumped into my arm. Right on some of my new scratches.   
"Oww" I muttered.   
Steve looked and me curiously and caught my wrist with his hand. He nudged my sleeve up with his fingers and looked at my wrist.   
"Where did you get all those scratches , Pony?"   
I tried my best to look sheepish   
" Ohh, here and there I guess."   
I couldn't say what I wanted to say. I couldn't let them see how far and fast I was falling.   
He just nodded and went over to Sodapop.   
"I swear kid, you must wrestle with rosebushes or something," Two Bit laughed.   
" Or something is definitely right,"I thought.   
" Hey guys, come on lay off him" Sodapop came to my rescue.   
" You do seem to be getting a lot of cuts and scratches lately" Darry said.   
" Ok, I'll try to be more careful," I told him.   
" Good, because I don't want to see you get hurt," he said.   
On the outside I managed a small nod, but on the inside I was laughing bitterly.   
" I have been hurt, Darry," I thought.   
" I've been hurt from the inside out, but it takes so much longer to heal on the inside."   
I went over to the couch and sat down, putting my head in my hands.   
" Schoolwork pressure or something?" Two Bit asked me.   
" Yeah, something like that," I said and sighed.   
I just felt, I don't know, crappy I guess. Almost as if I hadn't gotten any sleep in weeks and now I had a 1000 word paper due in five minutes, and I hadn't even started. Of course, this was not the case, but that's how I felt.   
" You look a little tired Pony, maybe you should go to bed," Darry said.   
Ever since I was sick, Darry's been extra paranoid about my health.   
"Awww come on Darry, I'll be fine" I said.   
He looked doubtful for a minute and then said,   
"Ok fine, but if you get really tired then go to bed."   
" Sure."   
We all spent the rest of the evening hanging out, laughing, and talking. Somewhere during the wild conversation about catfish,I saw a mental image of myself. I was falling. Very slowly, and sometimes I'd stop. Then I'd just keep on falling. There was also a pain that went with the falling. It felt sort of like when Steve bumped into me. The image seemed to drag me down with it. I felt my eyes grow heavy, and within five minutes I was leaning against Sodapop, fast asleep. I felt myself being carried to bed and laid down. I could hear whispers of,   
" I knew he was tired."   
" Poor kid,"   
" Little brothers."   
I just slept, and when I woke up in the morning, I was still falling inside.****

**A/N**   
**Ok that was chap 1.**   
**R/R please!**   
**Fyre**


	2. Something Isn't Right

Something Isn't Right****

** Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**   
**A/N. You guys seem to like this story so I'm going to continue it. Sorry about any typos.**

* Darry's POV*   
*Two days later* 

I raised my left arm and winced at the pain that shot up my back.   
" Soda?" I called.   
He appeared in the kitchen doorway with an apple in his hand.   
" Yeah, Darry?"   
I pointed to my aching back and looked at Soda.   
" What? Ohhh, ok yeah just come in here."   
I went into the kitchen and sat down at a table. Soda started to rub the kinks out of my muscles. He's really good at it too.   
" Thanks little man", I said.   
" Hey, its all part of my job description," he joked.   
I must've been kinda quiet because then he asked   
" Something wrong, Darry?"   
" No, I was just thinking about Ponyboy."   
"What about him?"   
" He just seems different lately. Have you noticed anything?"   
" He does seem to have a lot less energy than usual, but I thought it was because he was so sick."   
" You're probably right."   
There was a short silence, then Soda said   
" He must still be pretty upset about what happened on the night of the rumble."   
" He's getting pretty absentminded," he said.   
" What do you mean?" I asked him.   
" Haven't you noticed how he's always getting cuts and scratches?"   
I didn't say anything. Of course I had noticed. I had taken a court oath to notice things like this. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to notice.   
Soda stopped rubbing my shoulder and sat down in the chair next to me.   
" Darry?" he asked gently.   
I sighed.   
"Yeah, I've noticed the scratches. I guess I'll have to tell him to be more careful," I said   
Soda nodded and said, " Pony's a smart kid but sometimes he doesn't really think."   
" I know exactly what you mean."   
Soda laughed and then we heard the door open. A minute later Pony walked into the kitchen. He looked tired and pale. He also looked kind   
of sad. Almost as if he were told that his best friend was moving tomorrow. Soda must've noticed because he shot a concerned look in my   
direction.   
" Hey Pony, how are you?" Soda asked.   
Pony came over to the table and sat down in one of the remaining chairs.   
" I'm fine" he said.   
Then Pony put his head on the table and wrapped his arms around his head. He just sat there, not moving or saying anything. I motioned   
for Soda to follow me into the living room, then we walked outside.   
" I see what you mean," Soda said.   
" He looked sad to me," I said.   
" I hope he doesn't feel sick again."   
" What?" I asked   
" Maybe if he feels sick he feels guilty about it because he was so sick last time."   
" Yeah, but Pony's not the type to keep stuff like that from us," I said   
Soda just looked at me for a moment and then looked away.   
"What is it Sodapop?"   
" Well, it's just that you're not around Pony a lot with just the two of you, he can be kinda secretive when he wants to be."   
" I know, I want to spend more time with Pony, but I can never find the right moment."   
"Its ok Darry, I know you want to spend more time with Pony."   
Just then Dally came up to the house.   
" Hey Dal," Soda greeted.   
" Hey, so what are you two up to?"   
" We were just talking about Ponyboy," I said.   
Dally lit a cigarette and asked   
" Why, is he in trouble."   
" We're not really sure, he won't tell us anything,"I said   
Dally nodded and took and a drag of the cigarette.   
" Yeah, the kid has seemed kind of down lately,"   
" I just wish he would talk to me," Soda said.   
Dally looked at Soda in surprise.   
" You mean he won't even talk to you?"   
Soda shook his head glumly.   
" Something isn't right," Dally said.   
" What do you mean?" we asked him.   
" I know you and Pony are close, and if he won't tell you even a tiny bit about what's bothering him, then something's wrong."   
" I never thought of it that way," I said slowly.   
Dally just shrugged.   
"Well, when you're a hood, you've got a lot of time to think."   
" Guess so," Soda said and looked at the house.   
He looked at Dally.   
" Have you noticed his scratches?"   
" I think we've all noticed them," he said   
" What do you think?" Soda asked.   
" Hmm, I think the kid's upset about something and he's not paying attention to what he's doing."   
" That's what Darry and I thought,"   
Dally took the cigarette out of his mouth and stamped it into the ground.   
" I'll see you guys later, I'm gonna go talk to Tim Shepard,"   
"Ok, see you later Dally," Soda said.   
We watched Dally leave and then I said   
" When did he become so interceptive?"   
" I guess he does have a lot of time on his hands,"   
Soda started fidgeting and I asked him what was wrong.   
" Pony had a nightmare last night,"   
" What!" For a while after Mom and Dad's death, Pony had really bad nightmares.   
" No, not that kind of nightmare,"   
I sighed with relief.   
" How do you know it was a nightmare then?"   
" I woke up in the middle of the night and he was whimpering and shaking a little."   
Soda looked a little scared   
" I'm getting kind of worried about him Darry,"   
"Me too," I admitted.   
" He just seems so sad and tired lately,"   
" That can't be a good thing," I said.   
" You don't think it drugs or something?"   
" Lord, I hope not. Pony doesn't always use his head but he doesn't make those kind of choices," I said   
" At least I hope he doesn't," I added quietly.   
Soda nodded and said   
"Hey, there's Two Bit.   
"Good, I could use some comic relief right now,"   
" Hey guys." Two Bit said.   
"Ohh hey Two Bit," I said   
" Hey have you noticed anything about Pony lately?" I asked him.   
He looked thoughtful for a minute.   
" He doesn't seem as happy as he used to be."   
" Yeah, I remember when Pony would laugh and smile a lot. He didn't even stop after Mom and Dad's accident," Soda said softly.   
I could see this was upsetting him so I put my arm around his shoulder.   
" Don't worry Soda, I'm sure Pony will talk to us eventually," I told him.   
" Yeah, but when is eventually?" he asked.   
" I bet he's just waiting for the right moment," Two Bit offered.   
" He knows he can always come to me if he needs to talk,"Soda said.   
That kind of hurt a little. That Pony would always go to Soda first. I guess it's cause they're so close. Soda was always the happy one, this   
whole thing with Ponyboy was tearing him up inside. I hated seeing him like this.   
" Maybe he wants to work things out on his own," suggested Two Bit.   
" Maybe, hey do you guys want to go inside?" I asked.   
"Sure," they said.   
We went inside and there was Pony sitting on the couch looking bored.   
" Where were you all?" he asked.   
" Just talking, we thought you were asleep,"Soda said.   
" Ok," Pony said and nodded.   
I couldn't help but notice that when he said "ok" he almost sounded like he was going to cry. What was wrong with my little brother? 

** A/N. That was chapter two, and I'm glad you guys like this story.**   
Fyre   
  
  
  
  



	3. Why Won't You Talk To Me?

Why Won't You Talk To Me?****

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**   
**A/N I'm still glad you guys like this!**

* Soda's POV*   
*That night* 

" Pony?" I said quietly and tried to shake my little brother awake.   
He was trembling on the bed and swiping at the air with his hands.   
" Come on little buddy," I tried again.   
I sat up and moved to the other side of the bed so that I was now facing Ponyboy. I brushed his hair back from his forehead, and noticed somewhere in the back of my mind how sweaty it was. I shook his shoulders again and called out his name. I saw his eyelids flutter. Was he waking up? Slowly, my little brother's eyes opened and he looked at me with an expression of terror and confusion.   
" Soda?" he whispered.   
" Yeah, what's wrong Ponyboy?" I asked him gently.   
He sat up in bed and leaned against me. I stroked his hair and waited for him to talk to me.   
" I had a dream," he began.   
" About what?" I asked him.   
Pony didn't say a word. He just started straight ahead and made little whimpering noises.   
" Pony?"   
" I'm sorry Soda" he whispered.   
" For what?"   
" I can't tell you," he said dully.   
"Why won't you talk to me?" I asked him.   
Pony laid back down on the bed and put his head on the pillow. He fell fast asleep again, but before he did I heard him say   
" Because I'm falling too fast,"   
Falling? What did he mean by that? I couldn't think of what my little brother's words meant, so I laid down and put my arm around Pony. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest and wondered what had made him so scared. My eyelids grew heavy and I fell asleep. I could hear Pony's voice echoing in my mind.   
" Because I'm falling too fast."   
When I woke up the next morning I immediately realized that Ponyboy wasn't next to me. There was only rumpled sheets and a damp pillow to indicate that he had slept there at all. I smoothed out both our pillows and hurriedly pulled the sheet over them. I went to the bathroom and took a shower. When I went to shave I noticed that one of the razor blades was missing. Did Darry take it for emergencies? I finished shaving and went into the kitchen to see if Pony was any better than last night. He wasn't. If anything he was worse. His hair was matted down on his head, he had dark circles under his eyes, he was pale, and he looked like he hadn't slept or eaten in weeks.   
"Ohh, Ponyboy," I thought miserably.   
He turned and looked at me. The expression in his eyes shocked me. They were dead. The spark of life that had once invaded them was all but out. I felt a wrenching in my chest when he turned away.   
" Hey, how'd you sleep?"   
Pony just shrugged.   
" Did Darry already leave?"   
This time Pony nodded. Ok, maybe he didn't feel like talking.   
" I'm gonna go find Steve, ok?"   
" Ok," he mumbled.   
Well, at least he said something to me. I left the house and went over to the lot. I saw my best friend, Steve Randle, standing there and lighting up a cigarette. He brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled. Then he turned his head and blew out the smoke.   
" Hey Soda," he said.   
" Hi," I said.   
He took another drag of his cigarette, then asked me   
" What's the matter with you?"   
Steve never really was the sensitive type.   
" How do you know there's something wrong?" I asked.   
He smirked and shook his head   
" Damn Soda, I've known you forever. Something's wrong with you,"   
" Yeah? Well, you're right."   
" What is it?"   
" Pony,"   
He sighed and threw the cigarette butt on the ground. Steve thought my little brother was just a tagalong and a kid. When Pony had been so sick, I remember Steve saying something to himself about Pony wanting attention.   
" What about the kid?"   
" He looks kinda down,"   
" Maybe he's just having a bad morning, I wouldn't worry about it."   
" He's not having a bad morning, he's been having a bad morning for the past two weeks," I yelled.   
Steve looked up at me in alarm.   
"What the hell are you talking about?"   
" You don't see him as much as I do. There's nothing there anymore, just a body!"   
" As opposed to what?" he asked.   
"A soul, life, I don't know."   
" So you're saying he looks dead?"   
" Yeah, don't you remember how happy he could be?"   
" Yeah, I remember."   
" He's not happy anymore, he's not anything."   
" Don't get all upset," Steve said.   
"It's hard not to when your little brother is wasting away before your eyes,"I retorted.   
" Sorry man, but I bet nothing's really wrong,"   
" I hope that's the truth,"   
" Everyone has their bad periods, you know."   
" I know,"   
" I bet he'll be fine in a few days."   
" You're probably right."   
" I bet I am," he said and ducked to dodge my arm.   
" Always the cocky one," I said.   
" Yup,"   
" I'm gonna go back inside, you wanna come?"   
" No, I'm gonna go find Two Bit,"   
"Ok man, see you later."   
"Yeah, see ya."   
He left and that left me to think about the conversation. Everyone seemed to be saying the same thing. That nothing was really wrong with Pony. He was just having a bad period for a while. How long is a while anyway? I decided not to go back to the house just yet. I hated to admit it, but something about Pony's presence depressed me. As if I could cry or something. I walked through the lot until something caught my eye. I walked over and knelt down. It was Pony's journal, the one he was constantly writing in. I really wasn't trying to look at it, but when I accidentally saw the page I wished I never had. It was a poem. Kind of short, but still pretty good. As far as I could tell it was. I liked it. Anyways, there was something I didn't like about the poem. I scanned over it and words jumped out at me. Such as " blood, sharp, release, pain, falling." Falling again. What did this poem mean? Was it Ponyboy' s feelings or just something he thought up. I prayed that it was the latter. If not, then that meant that I was right about my little brother. That something was wrong with him. I glanced down at the page again and saw the words," blood and sharp". The razor blade was missing this morning.   
" No," I thought.   
I started walking back towards the house. Pony's arms, they had cuts and scratches all over them. The pieces of the puzzle came together in my mind, and I tried to stop it. When I was inside the house I put the journal on the couch and walked away. Pony was still in the kitchen, sitting there dully. I knew something now. Now it was making sense what was wrong with him. 

**That was chapter 3. Yup, yup, yup. Please review!**   
**Fyre**

  



	4. Are You Sure Maybe It's A Mistake

  
Are you Sure....Maybe It's A Mistake   
****

**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. I only own the plot.**   
**A/N Thanks to all the reviewers and thanks to those who helped me out on this chapter.**   
**I checked for errors , and hopefully I caught them.**

* Steve's POV*   
*That day* 

When I finished hanging out with Two Bit, I decided to go back to the Curtis'. Hopefully, I could get Soda's mind off of Pony. I bet nothing's wrong with the kid, but sometimes Soda obsesses when it comes to Ponyboy. Right before I got to the house I saw Johnny trying to master his crutches. They had metal hoops that attached to his arms, enabling him to move around.   
" Hey Johnnycakes," I called.   
Johnny looked in my direction and grinned. I could see the concentration in his face as he hobbled over to me.   
"Hi Steve,"   
Johnny took a few steps forward and I quickly followed him.   
"So where ya headed?" he asked.   
" Curtis place, Soda's kinda upset."   
" Is something wrong?"   
" He thinks something's wrong with Pony, I bet the kid's just being a brat,"I said bitterly.   
Johnny stopped and leaned against his crutches.   
" Steve, you know Pony's not the bratty type."   
I just grumbled and then Johnny sighed and started moving again.   
" He's a really good kid when you get to know him," he said.   
I rolled my eyes and walked next to Johnny.   
"I'd really rather not,"   
He shrugged, or at least as much as he could.   
"Ok, but I'm telling you he's a great kid."   
He didn't say anything, and that meant I didn't have to either. I looked at Johnny and felt a pang of hatred towards Ponyboy. If he had never stayed out late in the lot that night none of this would've happened. I blamed Pony for Johnny's condition, but I could never tell anyone.   
Johnny and I reached the house and I helped him up the steps. He shot an apologetic look at me and I just shrugged as if to say,   
" What are friends for?"   
Johnny seemed to get the idea because he just nodded. I opened the door, and we both went inside. Ponyboy was sitting on the couch writing in some journal of his.   
" Hey kid," Johnny said and tried to be cheerful.   
Pony looked up at us and stared at us for a moment.   
"Hello," he finally said and went back to his journal.   
I looked over at Johnny, and he just looked at Pony and then motioned towards the kitchen with a questioning look in his eyes. I gave a quick nod and we left the room.   
When Soda told me he thought something was wrong with Ponyboy, I thought he just meant that the kid was being kind of quiet. Now I could see what he meant.   
Soda was sitting at the kitchen table wiping at his eyes.   
" Hey Soda, you ok?" I asked and Johnny and I both sat down.   
" Did you guys see Pony?" he asked.   
" Yeah, we saw him," Johnny said softly.   
" Now do you see what I mean Steve?" he asked.   
" Damnit Soda, I think you're making a big deal out of nothing! Yeah, he doesn't look so great, but what makes you think there's something wrong?" I asked.   
" He wrote a poem....." Soda said.   
" And? What does that have to with anything?" I half asked, half yelled.   
Johnny reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I was starting to let my temper get the best of me.   
" What about the poem?" Johnny asked.   
Soda sighed and began,   
" I found a poem of Pony's. I didn't really think about it until I noticed these words. Such as; blood, sharp, pain, release, and falling."   
Johnny gave me a puzzled look.   
" What are you getting at?"I asked.   
" Those scratches on his arms......" Soda trailed off.   
" Yeah, what are those from anyway?" Johnny wondered out loud.   
" One of the razor blades was missing this morning," Soda said numbly.   
" Did Darry take it?" I asked.   
" You don't think?" Johnny asked.   
" I don't know, I hope not."   
" Think what?"   
" Don't you get it Steve? The poem, the way he's been acting, the scratches, the missing razor blade." Soda said.   
" I didn't know he was so upset," Johnny said quietly.   
" None of us did," Soda said.   
I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on. I looked at Soda and gave him a perplexed look.   
" My little brother is cutting himself, Steve! He's using a razor or whatever else to hurt himself!" Soda yelled.   
" Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't want this to be the case. I wanted Pony to just be tired or something. I don't how the gang can take anything else like the whole deal with the Socs and Bob.   
" Maybe it's a mistake?" I suggested.   
Soda shook his head and wiped at his cheeks.   
" No, I know it's not."   
" What would make him so upset?" Johnny brought the issue up again.   
" I think he blames himself for all that's happened." Soda said.   
For a minute, I couldn't look either of them in the eye. Luckily, neither one of them noticed.   
" That's not true," Johnny said.   
" I know that and you know that, but he still blames himself." Soda said   
" Have you tried talking to him about it?" I asked.   
" I've tried asking him why he seemed so upset, but he wouldn't say anything. I don't know how to tell him I know about this. " Soda said weakly.   
It wasn't fair. Why did Pony always have to cause these situations?   
" Does Darry know?" Johnny asked him.   
" No, I just found out today. I don't know how to tell him."   
I decided to be helpful towards my best friend.   
" I'm sure you'll figure something out," I said.   
" Yeah," Johnny added.   
" What if we can't reach him, guys?" Soda asked.   
" He might........." Johnny didn't finish his sentence.   
Soda nodded sadly and I tried to comfort him. We all knew what Johnny meant to say. Soda's quiet, studious, poetic little brother might commit suicide if we couldn't reach him. How could we reach him if we didn't even know where he was?****

**A/N. That was chapter four ( Thank you Captain Obvious)**   
**Ok, just tell me what you think.**   
**Fyre**


	5. If He Won't Listen Then How Can We Talk?

If He Won't Listen, How Can We Talk?****

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. I own the plot.**   
**A/N. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, they really motivate me.**

*Two Bit's POV*   
*Right where we left off* 

I had nothing left to do after Steve left, and I was bored out of my mind. I was trying to think if there was anything good to steal from the drugstore and then remembered that there wasn't. I'd already checked yesterday.   
" Where do I always go when I'm bored?" I thought.   
" Oh yeah, The Curtis's."   
I started on the short walk towards their house. I always like going over there, it just seems inviting to me. In a way, the Curtis house has become sort of our hang out. I didn't bother to knock or anything when I got there. That sort of formality was never necessary. Ponyboy was hunched over the couch, reading something.   
" Hey Pony, what are you up to?" I asked him.   
He looked up at me and sighed.   
" Hi Two Bit, nothing really," he said.   
He sounded kind of upset so I decided to see if anything was wrong.   
"I'm gonna sit here for a minute, ok?"   
" I don't care," his voice was dull and emotionless.   
" Is something bothering you? You don't seem like you used to,"   
He opened his mouth to say something and then quickly shut it and turned away.   
" Your brothers are really worried about you," I told him.   
" I'll be fine, they shouldn't worry about me," he said while staring straight ahead.   
I decided to give up for now. Reaching Pony seemed almost useless. I didn't even say good bye as I rose from the couch and went into the kitchen.   
The scene there wasn't what I really expected. I didn't really expect anything, but this was overwhelming in a way. Soda, Steve, and Johnny all sat around the kitchen table with somber expressions on their faces. Soda looked like he had been crying and Steve and Johnny looked shocked.   
" Hey guys, what happened?" I asked.   
" Hey Two Bit, come sit down," Soda said in a weary voice.   
" I'm not going to like this am I?" I asked.   
" Probably not," said Steve.   
" We're pretty sure we know what's wrong with Ponyboy," Johnny said and looked straight at me.   
" It's not drugs or sex is it?" I asked.   
" At this point, I almost wish it was," said Soda in a small voice that was very much unlike his own.   
" Tell me guys, I want to know so I can help the kid." I said.   
They all looked at each other as if to debate who was going to tell me the news. The suspense of all of this was killing me. How bad was it? Soda took a deep breath and looked at me. It made sense he was telling me because Pony was his brother. I braced myself for whatever news was to come.   
" We think Pony's using a razor blade to cut himself," Soda said.   
Those words stopped me. My breathing, my heart, my thoughts were all halted for one second. Cutting himself? Ponyboy was deliberately hurting himself, and I knew it wasn't for the attention. I could feel the blood draining from my face and I knew the other's felt the same way.   
"Why?" was all I could manage to say.   
" Who knows?" said Steve.   
"I think he blames himself for everything," Johnny said.   
" How could he?" I asked.   
" I wish I knew Two Bit, I really do," Soda sounded like he was going to cry.   
" Do you think we could talk to him?" I asked.   
" We could try,"said Johnny.   
" I don't think he'll listen," said Steve.   
"He has to, I don't want to loose him." Soda choked out.   
" Hey buddy, it's ok," said Steve.   
" If he won't listen, then how can we talk?" I asked.   
" Very patiently," said Johnny.   
" He doesn't know you know, does he?" I asked them.   
" He might by now, we're not exactly whispering," said Steve.   
" One of the worst things is, I don't think he'd care even if we did know," said Soda.   
" He can't be that far gone," I said and tried to reassure Sodapop.   
" I don't think any of us have ever been that depressed," said Johnny.   
" I've teetered over the mouth of the hell hole of life,though," said Steve.   
" Pony's already fallen in," I said quietly.   
" He said something to me last night when he had a nightmare and wouldn't tell me about it,"said Soda.   
" What? About falling?" I asked.   
" Yeah, when I asked him why he wouldn't talk to me and he said, " Because I'm falling too fast."   
I could remember a night not too long ago, full of sadness and terror, when a fourteen year old boy fell to the ground and didn't wake up for a while. Was that what it was like for Ponyboy now? I had a sickening feeling in my stomach that this time, when Pony hit the ground he would never really wake up.   
" Could you send him to free therapy or something?" I asked.   
" Yeah, we could do that, but I don't think he wants help," Soda said sadly.   
" You have to make him hear you," Johnny said.   
" Yeah he's right, we should catch him before it's too late," said Steve.   
Soda mumbled something about how he thought Steve didn't like Pony.   
" I don't really, but I don't want your little brother to die," Steve said.   
" At the word "die" Johnny gulped and Soda moaned. We were already talking about Pony being dead, I couldn't believe how fast this all seemed to happen. Soda seemed to read my mind.   
" It seems like only a few days ago he was fine, but now......" he didn't continue.   
" We have to make him understand we care," said Johnny.   
" Right, or else he'll think he's all alone in this," I said.   
" Why did this have to happen to him?" Soda asked us.   
" Sometimes, things happen," Steve said.   
I remembered a quote that one of my teachers told us last year,   
" Bad things happen to good people," I stated.   
" Ain't that the truth," said Johnny.   
None of us heard the door open, and we were all surprised when Dally appeared in the doorway as if by magic.   
" What's wrong with the kid, he sick or something?" Dally asked, jerking a thumb back towards Ponyboy.   
" He's cutting himself," I told him.   
Just like that. No preparing him for the news or asking him to sit down. This was too serious to waste time over. Pony needed help now, and fast. Dallas Winston was the color of a white bed sheet. It made an interesting contrast against his hair. His eyes widened and he ran a hand through his hair, swearing.   
" You sure?" he asked us.   
" If I want anything, I wish it wasn't true, but it is," Soda said.   
" Damn," said Dally and sat down next to Steve.   
Damn, indeed. 

**A/N. That concludes the fifth chapter. Tell me what you think, you know I love to hear from you guys.**   
**I hope this didn't seem too much like chapter four. For a while, the guys are just going to sit around and talk about Ponyboy.**   
**Fyremoon**


	6. You Wouldn't Understand

You Wouldn't Understand 

**Disclaimer: All I own is the plot.**   
**A/N. Gaaaa, I love all of you guys. *Eyes get all shiny and bright***   
**Ok, I'm done now, but seriously, thanks! Errr, some cussing**

* Dally's POV*   
*Right where we left off* 

I had just been told that Ponyboy Curtis was cutting himself. Deliberately. Ponyboy was always the reasoning one, he wasn't supposed to be doing this. I kinda admire the kid for living in a neighborhood where you're expected to be a hood, and he was anything but a hood.   
Now, I just didn't know. When kids like Pony start doing shit like this it throws things off.   
I wondered if I looked as pale as I felt. I could remember New York. It was hell, dark,cold,and alone. Nothing like this ever happened,though. It was all fights, drug deals, and all that good stuff. I really had no idea what to do.   
" So, uh should we call him in?" I asked.   
Soda's head jerked around at my direction, " Call him in?" he repeated hoarsely.   
I licked my lips, " Yeah, I guess to tell him we know,"   
" It might not be such a bad idea,"said Johnny   
" What do I say? Oh hi Pony, by the way I know that you're cutting yourself?" Soda said   
" Maybe not those exact words," suggested Two Bit   
" I don't think he'll care what you say," said Steve.   
Soda nodded   
"Ok," he said   
He got up from the table and stood in the kitchen doorway.   
" Hey Pony, will you come in here?"   
I heard a small noise as Pony got up from his position on the couch. He calmly walked in and sat down in an empty chair. He looked at all of us, as if challenging us to understand him.   
" Pony, I need to know something," Soda began.   
Pony just stared at him then nodded. Did that mean ok? I guess Soda thought it did because he then said.   
" I know we've all noticed the scratches you've been getting."   
Ponyboy was starting to sort of scare me. He didn't try to break from Soda's gaze, fidget around, or look ashamed. He just continued staring blankly and lifelessly.   
" I thought you were just being absent minded, but I think there's something else."   
Pony still didn't say a word.   
" Darry and I've noticed you've been really distant lately,"   
Pony shifted his gaze to the side for a second. Well, at least we're making progress.   
"One of my razor blades was missing this morning," Soda said with a steady voice.   
" Yes?" Pony said. His voice was hoarse and tired. Not like Pony at all.   
" I honestly didn't mean to, but I saw a little bit of one of your poems,"   
"Oh,"was all Pony said.   
" It's taken me a while but I think I know what's going on,"   
Pony narrowed his eyes and frowned. I could almost hear him condemning all of us for trying to understand him.   
"Pony, come here," Soda told him.   
Pony got up and walked over to Soda. Just like that. No objections or fights or anything.   
Soda took hold of Pony's right arm and pushed the sleeves up. I heard a gasp and saw that Two Bit was breathing heavily. Pony's arms were covered in scars. I had never actually seen his arms when he got the scratches, and now I'm damn glad I didn't. Thin purple red lines ran from his wrist to his elbow. Several circles made a larger circle on his upper arm. On the crook of his elbow, the word why was written very faintly. Other lines and patterns ran over his arm. I could see the fresh scars and saw that one small gash that was still bleeding. I looked around at everyone. Well, mainly Steve. He doesn't really like Pony too much.   
Steve looked like he was going to be sick. He kept staring at Pony's arm and blinking. Almost as if he wanted to erase the image from his mind.   
" Is your other arm like this too?" whispered Soda.   
Pony traced a finger over one of the lines on his wrist. He seemed calm, happy almost.   
" Yes, it's like this one." he said.   
" Pony? Why are you doing this to yourself?" asked Johnny.   
Pony didn't say anything, then suddenly he said   
" I have too,"   
" What? Pony that's bullshit!" Steve shouted.   
"Steve, calm down," Soda told him.   
" Why the hell do you have to cut yourself, Pony?" I asked him.   
He looked at me. His eyes were void, yet they were somehow scared like a small child's.   
" Inner battles," I thought.   
Zak, this guy I knew from New York, often referred to deep personal troubles as "inner battles." Zak was a pretty deep guy. Of course he was stoned most of the time, but even sober he was the smart one.   
" I can't explain it to you," he said.   
" Are you sure? We want to help," said Two Bit   
" You wouldn't understand," Pony said and sighed   
" Why not?" asked Steve.   
" I told you, I can't explain it," said Pony softly.   
" That has to upset you to do that," said Two Bit.   
" No, not really," was Pony's quiet reply.   
I remembered the calm happy look that was on Pony's face a few minutes ago. That memory upset me, and I don't know how to deal with emotions. I knew I couldn't go out and jump someone, because that would just sink all of us in further.   
" You mean, you kinda like doing that?" I asked.   
Pony just shrugged and looked off into space. I knew the answer was " yes", though.   
" What happened to you, Pony?" asked Soda sadly.   
" Nothing happened to me,"   
" Nothing?" Steve grimaced and pointed to Pony's arm.   
" I think that qualifies as something,"   
" Kid, we just want to stop you before it gets out of hand," I said.   
Pony laughed coldly and the sound sent shivers up my spine.   
" How do you know it hasn't?" he asked in a challenging tone.   
I couldn't believe my ears. This could not be Ponyboy Curtis. Soda and Darry's smart, nice, usually happy, little brother. It just couldn't be. Pony just sent a final glare around the room and left. A few seconds later, I heard the door close.   
" I'm sorry, Soda," Johnny said.   
" What happened to him?" Soda asked.   
" That didn't seem like Pony at all," said Two Bit.   
Hmmm, my thoughts exactly.   
"It's not an act, is it?" asked Steve.   
" No, I don't think it is," I told him   
" Right now, I wish it was all just an act," said Soda   
" We know, buddy," said Two Bit.   
" Even though he's alive, he's already gone," Soda said disbelievingly.   
" I know it's tough, but we can reach him if we work hard," said Johnny.   
Everyone nodded in agreement. We all now had an unspoken goal. To help Ponyboy free himself from the darkness he was surrounded in. We didn't need to say it out loud, we all understood.   
" Yeah, we can," I said.   
Soda had a glare in his eyes, and I saw him blink out a few tears.   
" We have to," he said in strangled and defiant voice.   
" We have to," he whispered again. 

**A/N. How was it? I hope it wasn't bad.**   
**Thanks for the great reviews once again.**   
**Fyre**   
  
  



	7. Something Gold Must Stay

Something Gold Must Stay****

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. I do own the plot. Robert Frost owns Nothing Gold Can Stay**   
**A/N. I really appreciate all of you guys who took the time to review.**   
**This story means a lot to me because it's more than just a story**   
**it's kind of a therapy. I used to scratch myself and I stopped about a year ago.**   
**I guess this story is part of the recovery process. I hope Johnny isn't OOC.**   
**I always saw him as nice and quiet kind of like Ponyboy.**

*Johnny's POV*   
* Five minutes later* 

I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. All I wanted was to close my eyes and wake up, and everything would be fine. That would never happen, though. This neighborhood is a pin, popping the bubbles of fantasies. One of my best friends, the one I could always count on, wasn't really himself anymore. I didn't know if he'd ever be. I hoped with every ounce of strength in my body that someday, Ponyboy Curtis would once again be the guy I knew him to be.   
" If I hasn't seen his face, I would've said that wasn't Pony," I said   
" I know what you mean," said Two Bit   
" Do you think he even wants help?" asked Dally   
" Are you asking if he should help him or not?" asked Steve   
" No, but it'll be harder to reach him if he doesn't want help." Dally said.   
"We've been through this before, we are going to help Pony, no matter what it takes," said Soda   
" I'm with you all the way," I told him   
He smiled   
" Thanks Johnny,"   
" Yeah, you and Pony were real close," Steve said   
" Don't start putting things in past tense yet," I said   
" Pony's still here, guys," said Soda   
" At least his body is," said Dally   
" And that's slowly disappearing," Steve said.   
I tried to not listen. I didn't want any reminders of what Pony's arm looked like.   
All those scars, all that pain. That had to hurt when he did it, and yet he didn't complain.   
It was like a drug for him. I saw the dazed look in his eyes when he looked at his arm. That made me want to cry, but I knew I couldn't. I had to be strong. For Pony, and also for myself. Because of these crutches I'm not exactly ready for any type of fighting.   
" I think we should have one on one conversation with him," Soda said.   
" You mean each of us talks to Pony alone?" Steve asked   
" I think that's exactly what he means," Two Bit said   
" That does make sense," Dally said.   
" Yeah, maybe if he's not surrounded by so many people he'll open up more," I said   
" That's why I thought it'd be a good idea," Soda said   
" Maybe we should have a sort of schedule or something," Steve said   
" We could each have a set time to talk to Pony," I said   
" It'd be sort of like he was going to therapy sessions," Two Bit said   
" That'd be good for him, but we can't let him know it's all planned," Dally said   
" He probably wouldn't say anything if he knew we were going to talk about it," I said   
" I think there's a confidentiality thing for therapists," Two Bit said   
" That's true, but we're all gonna have to become one big therapist if that makes any sense," said Soda.   
" I think we should do other things besides just talk to him, I said.   
" Like what, Johnnycakes?" Dally asked.   
" Go places with him, hang out, read books together, that sort of thing. I think what Pony needs most now is a friend," I said   
" Or friends," said Two Bit.   
" Doesn't the kid have a thing for sunsets and that sorta thing?" asked Steve.   
" He's always staring at them at night," said Soda   
Then his voice softened and he said,   
" At least he used to,"   
Steve patted Soda on the shoulder and the rest of us tried to look encouraging.   
" When we had to hide out in Windrixville, Pony showed me a sunset, and then he told me a poem," I told everyone.   
"What poem was it?" asked Two Bit   
I cleared my throat a little bit and began to recite the same words that Pony told me only a few months before,   
"Nature's first green is gold   
Her hardest hue to hold.   
Her early leaf's a flower,   
But only so an hour.   
Then leaf subsides to leaf,   
So Eden sank to grief,   
So dawn goes down to day   
Nothing gold can stay."   
"That's deep," said Dally   
" What does it mean?" Soda asked.   
" Pony told me he didn't know and that's why he remembered it, but I think I know what Robert Frost was trying to say," I said   
"What do you think he meant?" asked Steve   
" Well, I think the "Nature" in the poem is kind of a mother. Then when it talks about the early leaf being a flower for only a little bit, that's like when you're a kid and you lose your innocence. When that innocence is lost, " Nature" or Eden is sad because of what happened to her kid," I finished.   
" When did you become so smart?" Steve asked me   
" Really, that was all philosophical and stuff," Two Bit said   
" I don't want to sound mean, but usually Pony's the one that says stuff like that," Soda said.   
" It's ok, I guess I've just had a long time to think about it," I said.   
"That poem reminds of Pony for some reason," said Dally.   
" Yeah, with the whole kid losing it's innocence thing," said Two Bit   
" That poem always reminded me of Pony because when it says the stuff about being gold that's kind of like wanting to see the world as new and bright and that sort of thing, and Pony's that type of person" I said   
"He used to be," muttered Steve   
"My golden little brother,"Soda said sadly   
"He'll be gold again someday," I said.   
"What's the name of that poem again?" asked Dally   
" Nothing Gold Can Stay, Robert Frost wrote it," I told him   
" Yeah, when you said Robert Frost earlier, I had no idea who you meant," said Soda   
" Sorry man,"   
" It's ok,"   
" If Pony is gold, and the title says that nothing gold can stay, then we have to keep thinking that something gold must stay," said Dally.   
" Something gold must stay," Steve repeated.   
" I like it, it sort of names what we're trying to do." said Soda   
" Something gold must stay, and something gold will stay," declared Two Bit   
" Because Pony is gold, and he can't leave," I said   
There was a pause as everyone nodded and looked at each other. Then Dally said,   
" Hey Soda, when does Darry get home?"   
Soda looked at the wall   
" In about twenty minutes,"   
"If anyone needs to know this, it's Darry," Dally said   
" I'm going to tell him as soon as I can," said Soda   
" We'll help you," said Two Bit   
" Yup," I said   
" Thanks guys," Soda said   
"Hey, we're all friends here," I said   
There was a short moment when I could feel a sort of energy going around the room. I guess friendship can have a pretty strong bond.****

**A/N**   
**I hope that didn't suck. I tried to make it not suck.**   
**Ok, I'm going to stop being negative on myself. Thanks for reading and reviewing and acknowledging.******

**Fyre.**


	8. Strong and Weak

** Strong and Weak******

**Disclaimer: All I own is the plot**   
**A/N Thank you !!! for reading and all that good stuff**   
**Some cussing. Pony's thoughts in here may seem weird, but just trust me on this.**

* Pony's POV*   
*Right when he left the house* 

They all knew. I could feel all of their pity and I hated it. All I wanted was to just be left alone and everyone was ruining that for me. If I asked for help, then that would mean I was weak. That I wasn't strong enough, and didn't need to be alive. I'm not even sure right now if I should be alive. I'm going to wait and see. Soda's probably telling Darry right now. Telling him what a pathetic person I've become. How I am now a loser. Was I ever really a winner?   
I don't think so. Soon someone will come looking for me and then they will try to strike up a conversation with me. As long as it's anyone but Steve, I can handle it. I don't want to talk to Steve about my problems, he hates me.   
"Pony is that you?" I heard my brother Darry ask.   
"Perfect timing," I thought   
" Yes, what?" I asked him   
" Soda told me about your arms," he said   
"Well, now you know," I said meanly   
"Pony what is the matter with you?" Darry asked in frustration   
"Go ask a doctor, don't ask me," I told him   
"Ponyboy Michael Curtis! I don't know why you're doing this to yourself, but you better stop acting this way" Darry yelled.   
" What way? I think I'm acting fine," I said and started walking off   
" You're not being strong, you have to fight this." he said pleadingly   
I stopped right where I was and walked right back to Darry. I gave him the coldest glare I could muster and pulled up one of my sleeves. I shoved my arm under his nose and saw his immediate reaction. Just like the other guys, he was pale and looked sick.   
" Do you think I don't have to be strong to do this? I hear things in my head that tell me to cut and I can't disobey. I cut and when the blood is out I feel clean, and free. I feel like a better person. So don't fucking tell me I'm not strong Darry! Never tell me that!" I screamed at him   
"Pony......" Darry looked away   
" Go away, I know you feel sorry for me and I hate that," I told Darry   
" We want to help you," he said   
" Fine, then leave me alone,"I told him.   
" If that's what you really want," he said   
" Yes, that is,"   
" Ok, bye then, " he said and started back towards the house.   
Who is he to say that I'm weak? I couldn't be weak, weakness was failure. I had to make good grades and be the reasonable one in the gang. Neither of those two things would allow weakness. I was strong because I was able to deal with my problems, while everyone else kept theirs completely hidden.   
"Pony, don't yell at me ok,"   
I turned around and to my surprise, there was Two Bit   
"Darry told us you yelled at him," he said   
" Yeah, and?"   
" I just want to talk, I promise not to judge you or anything," he said   
" Haven't you already," I asked him   
" Damnit Pony! The entire gang cares about you whether you think we do or not," Two Bit said angrily.   
Something wasn't right here. Two Bit didn't get angry like this. Steve did.   
" Hurray," I said sarcastically   
" I'm going to miss you kid," he said sadly   
"What! Why? Is Darry sending me away?" I asked him frantically   
He laughed and then said   
" He wouldn't do that. We're going to help you right here,"   
Then what?"   
" I mean when your personality is completely gone. I think most of it's gone already," he said.   
"Don't be stupid," I said angrily   
"Stupid? Kid, if anyone's being stupid right now it's you," he said and laughed   
I must've had a pretty hurt expression on my face even now because then he said,   
" No, I don't mean you're stupid for doing this to yourself, but I know you don't want to be like this forever," he said and looked around uncomfortably.   
"Be like what?" I asked.   
" You know, so cold and dead like," he said   
" Am I?"I asked in what I hoped was a bored tone.   
" Yeah, Soda doesn't even know who you are anymore,"   
I felt a slight pang in my chest when he said that. My own brother didn't know this really wasn't me? He doesn't know who I am? Sometimes I want to curse everything around me so I can release some of the hurt and frustration. I'm in a continuing nightmare, running from the monsters under my bed. When I finally see the monsters, they all look just like me. But they are covered in scars and blood and I try to scream, but I can't. All of the guys are reaching out to help me, but I can't reach them. Something's holding me back. Day in and day out. I never wake up. I wish it was just an easy little thing like having someone pinch me, but I know that's a lie. The truth will not set me free, the truth is my prison.   
" He loves you though, Pony," Two Bit told me.   
" Who, Sodapop?"   
" Yeah, this is really hurting him,"   
" So this isn't affecting me at all?"   
" I didn't mean it that way."   
" What the hell did you mean then!" I yelled   
He backed up a few steps and held up his hands.   
" Easy there, no I meant that, well it's hard to explain,"   
"Try me," I said sarcastically   
" Soda sees what you're doing to yourself and it hurts him because he doesn't know how to help you. All of your life, Soda's been able to find solutions to all the problems,and this time he can't."   
I didn't want to hear anymore. I didn't want to know how much I was hurting my brothers. I was a heavy burden.   
" I think I'm gonna go now," he said quietly   
I just nodded, and heard him sigh and walk off. A tear ran down my cheek, and I wiped at it, disgusted with myself. Crying? Crying was for the weak. For the people that couldn't face their problems. I am one of the strong ones. At least, I think I am. There is a hole inside of me, and deep down in the bottom of the hole there is a realization. It is that cutting to take away the pain will only bring more pain. I know this, yet I still do it for it's release. That one beautiful moment when I feel lighter than air. What's wrong with me? I sat down on the ground and began to sob, ignoring my inner taunts of the strong verse the weak.****

**A/N I know it's not so great. I wanted a lot of Ponyboy's thought to be in here, so that's why there's not a lot of action and dialogue. Thanks for reading.**   
**Fyre**   
****


	9. It's Not So Simple

It's Not So Simple****

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot**   
**A/N This story is my main project so I am definitely not going to abandon this story.**   
**Some cussing most likely**

*Darry's POV*   
*One day later* 

I woke up with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Was something bad going to happen? Normally, I would ignore these feelings, but now with Ponyboy........ I really don't know what to expect. I couldn't believe that the problem was something as serious as self cutting. I almost wish he was on drugs or in trouble with the law. Last night I told Soda to take all of the razor blades out of the bathroom, and just keep one with him for when he needs it. If we can do anything to prevent Pony from cutting himself, then that's a good thing. He'll find another way to do it, though. Then where will we be? Right back at the beginning, that's for sure. It's not just something that will happen automatically. This is definitely going to take a while.   
"Hey Darry have you seen my pants?" called my younger brother Soda   
"Which one?" I called back   
" The ones I was wearing the day before yesterday,"   
" I don't know, try the kitchen,"   
I heard the sound of footsteps and then the sound of Soda's voice   
" Here they are, thanks Darry,"   
" No problem,"   
That was incredibly easy. It won't be that easy with Pony. I can't just tell him that whatever he's lost is in the kitchen. I don't even know what he's lost. One possibility is his soul. I don't want to think that's completely gone. We all have to have some hope, no matter how small.   
" I'm going to school," said a very pale Ponyboy as he walked out the door   
I didn't even get a chance to say "ok" before he was gone. About a month ago, Pony would yell a happy goodbye when he left in the mornings. At least he would in the mornings he left early, and I was still here. Now, he acted like he didn't care about anything. None of us really knew if it was an act or not.   
The door opened and in walked Dally, looking over his shoulder.   
" Lose something?" I asked   
" Nah, I was just looking at Ponyboy,"   
"He's still here? I thought he was leaving."   
" He was walking towards the school when I saw him,"   
" Is it my imagination or does he look worse?" I asked   
Dally looked as thoughtful as Dallas Winston could and said   
" I don't know how we can tell if he's worse or not at this point,"   
" Right now, it's a matter of whether he's breathing or not," I said glumly   
"He's breathing all right,"   
" I hate the fact that now I have to wake up each morning wondering if my little brother is alive or not."   
"Yeah, everything doesn't seem normal now,"   
" I used to think normal was with mom and dad, then it was with you guys. I don't want this to become normal for Pony,"   
" It won't"   
" How can you say that? It already has practically,"   
He sighed and leaned against the wall   
" Curtis, I've seen my share of bad shit in my life, and I know that Pony's problem goes right in there with the rest of them. But if there's anything valuable that living in the streets of New York has taught me, it's not to give up until the very end. Even though it seems like we are with Pony, we're not even close."   
" I just don't want the end to be his funeral,"   
"Yeah, I get it,"   
" It was bad enough losing mom and dad........"   
"You three have each other, I don't have anyone."   
"Dally, you have the gang,"   
"Yeah I know, but I meant someone as close as you Curtis brothers. Pony's not really himself anymore, and I can still sense that brotherly bond,"   
" I can almost sense a stronger bond throughout the gang now," I said   
" I can feel it too. We're not going to give up on each other,"   
" Seeing you talk about unity and friendship is definitely a sight to see," I told him   
" What's wrong with me talking about something other than women and fights?"   
"Nothing, I've just always heard you talk about those things,"   
" Well maybe I'm a different person then people think I am," he said with a hint of anger in his voice.   
"I didn't mean anything bad about what I said," I told him.   
He just smirked and went outside. I had to leave for work soon anyway, so I decided to follow him.   
" Sometimes people change on you," he said when I was standing next to him outside.   
"I've noticed," was my only reply.   
Dally took a cigarette out of pocket and lit it with slightly trembling fingers. He put the lit cigarette to his lips and inhaled. That seemed to relax him. I don't smoke so I have to find other ways to calm my nerves. Believe me, it's not easy.   
" It can be a slow change, or it can spring on you," he continued.   
" Pony's change sure sprung on us," I said   
" Yeah it sure did,"   
" Maybe Pony's change was slow, so slow we didn't notice anything until now." I said   
"That's a possibility," Dally agreed.   
" If he was changing, I should've noticed," I said in frustration.   
"How could you've noticed? No one noticed until about a week ago,"   
" I'm his legal guardian, and it's my job to care for him,"   
"You have been, or at least as far as I can tell."   
" I still should've noticed that something was wrong,"   
" Hey man, Johnny's like a little brother to me and I don't always right away if he's upset."   
That last comment made me smile a little. I had always known that Dally held Johnny in higher regards than the rest of the gang, and it was nice to hear him confirm it. He noticed my slightly happy expression at his comment and growled. I gave him one of my authority figure glares, and he looked away mumbling.   
" You're not a super hero Darry, and that's ok. You're human just like the rest of us and this whole thing with Ponyboy is not your fault." Dally told me   
"Thanks Dally. I know that you're right."   
"It's nothing, now that Pony is so down I don't want the rest of the gang down in the dumps too." he said   
" I should probably leave for work now, thanks I guess." I said and started walking towards my truck. When I pulled into the road I saw Dally give me a small wave and a thumbs up. I waved back.   
Dally was right. I wasn't a super hero, and I couldn't have prevented what was happening with Ponyboy. I could help him to stop it. Of course, with situations like this you need patience and understanding. You need time and even more time for listening. It's not so simple but I believed in the gang. 

**A/N. Yup, lot's of dialogue. Ok that was chapter 9, I hope you enjoyed it.**   
**Fyre**


	10. Up High Down Low

Up High Down Low****

**Disclaimer: Once again, I only own the plot.**   
**A/N I'm glad you guys like this story. I do too, otherwise I'd probably not continue. That won't happen so don't worry.******

***Soda's POV***   
***Three days later***

" Hey Soda do you have any milk?" asked Two Bit   
" Check the fridge," I told him   
" I don't think you have any," said Johnny   
"Yeah, i think you threw it away," said Steve   
" Was it spoiled?" asked Dally   
"Guys, can we talk about something else?" I asked them   
"Sure, how about..ummmm." said Johnny   
There was a silence as everyone tried to think of a new conversation topic   
"How about....pie?" suggested Two Bit   
Dally looked at Two Bit in disbelief   
" You're almost nineteen years old and pie is all you can think to talk about?" he asked   
" Pie is an essential part of life," retorted Two Bit   
" I have to agree with Dally," Steve said   
" Let's talk about something other than food," Johnny   
" I'm with Johnnycakes," I said   
" Hey where's Pony," asked Two Bit   
That was completely random. We were all sitting around talking about milk and pie, and then all of a sudden Two Bit mentions my depressed suicidal little brother. Talk about your change of subjects.   
" I don't know," I said   
" Is he even here?" asked Steve   
" I didn't see him leave or anything," said Dally   
"I'll be right back," I told them   
I left the kitchen and walked down the hallway to our bedroom. Pony was still in bed, fast asleep. I sighed with relief and started to walk away. Then I got closer to the bed and took a better look at Pony. His skin tone matched the white sheet, and his lips were pale pink. I put my hand on his forehead, but it wasn't warm.   
"No fever," I though   
I gently shook him, hoping that he'd wake up.   
"You're being paranoid, Sodapop. Nothing's wrong," I told myself   
Still, something just didn't feel right. We were all trying to keep Pony alive, but I wasn't really sure if we were succeeding. I took a deep breath and searched the room for any signs of trouble. Trouble? What kind of trouble? The pill bottle kind of trouble. I shuddered. I didn't want to even think about that kind of thing. It hadn't been that long since we noticed that Pony didn't seem one hundred percent himself. Do depressed people really fall this quickly?   
" Come on Pony, wake up now," I begged.   
"Hey, is everything all right?" asked Steve, appearing in the doorway   
" I can't get him to wake up,"   
" So, don't worry about it," Steve said   
"Pony didn't move a muscle. I had to get right next to him to even see his chest moving up and down, and even that was hard to see.   
" I think there's something wrong," I said   
" Why don't you bring him into the living room so we can all check him out," suggested Steve   
"Ok, that's not a bad idea," I said and picked up a non moving Ponyboy and carried him into the living room.   
" Hey, is he ok?" asked Dally   
" I don't know," I said   
" I bet he's fine," Steve said with a slight scowl on his face.   
"I know he never looks great, but he just doesn't seem right," I said   
Johnny sat down on the floor in front of Pony. He looked at Pony curiously, and then took one of Pony's hands in his own. He immediately dropped it and muttered small curses.   
" Cold," he said   
Two Bit reached over and took Pony's other hand   
" Damn, he's right. That kid's hands are freezing.   
"Is he breathing?" asked Dally   
" A little," I said   
"A little? That's probably not good," said Johnny   
Steve went over to Pony and opened his eyes.   
"Hey, what are you doing," I asked   
" Come here Soda," he said   
I walked the two steps to Steve and followed his gaze to Pony's eyes. Pony's eyes were completely glazed over, but I thought that was normal for a sleeping person.   
"Ok, so?" I asked Steve   
" His eyes," Steve said   
"What's wrong with Pony's eyes?" asked Dally   
"They're really glazed over," I said   
" That's not good," said Two Bit   
"Oh no," said Johnny softly   
"What? How come everyone knows the bad news except me?" I asked   
"I don't know," said Steve   
" His eyes are glazed over because he's asleep, right?" I asked hysterically   
"Calm down," Dally said   
"Tell me what's wrong," I said   
"Yeah, your eyes do get a little glazed over when you're asleep....." Steve said and trailed off.   
Dally, Johnny, and Two Bit all came over to look at Pony.   
" I've seen people's eyes when they're asleep, and their eyes aren't this bad," said Dally   
"What the hell is going on!" I yelled.   
I hated this. I hated not knowing what was wrong, even though I've just as much bad shit as the other guys. Why couldn't I figure out what was wrong? Was I purposely trying to avoid it? Maybe I really did know, but just couldn't say it.   
I ran my fingers through Pony's hair and looked at Steve.   
"Tell me," I said hoarsely   
" People get that kind of glazed look from when they take too many pills," he said and looked down at the ground   
" I think he might of overdosed," said Dally   
Two Bit left the room and came back a minute later with an empty Tylenol bottle in his hand.   
" I found this under his pillow," he said grimly   
I didn't think to look there.   
" How many were in it?" asked Dally   
" About fourteen or so, I think," I said   
" That's not good, we gotta get him to the hospital now," said Dally   
I put my head on Pony's chest to make sure he was still breathing. At first I didn't feel anything and I started to panic. Then I felt something go up and then down. It was a tiny movement, but I could still feel it.   
" Is he......?" asked Johnny   
"He's still breathing," I said   
"Ok, that's good, but we gotta go now," said Dally   
"I've got a car,"said Two Bit   
"So do I," said Steve   
"Ok, that's good, but we gotta get moving , because I've seen this kind of thing in New York and believe me it wasn't pretty."   
I gulped and scooped up Pony in my arms and carried him out to Two Bit's car. It was all happening too fast. We were supposed to be able to talk to Pony first, but I guess his mind was already made up. 

A**/N**   
**Well, surprise. I really tried to not make this go too fast. This is chapter ten, so it's not like I put the major dramatics in the second or third chapter. Ok anyway please tell me what you think.******

**Fyre**   
****   
  
  
  
  



	11. So Close To The Ground

So Close To The Ground 

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot**   
**A/N I'm really glad that you guys like this story.**   
**Keep on reading and updating, for all of you authors out there.**   
**If you don't write, look into it!******

***Steve's POV***   
***exactly where we left off*******

I got into the driver's seat of my car and mumbled something about seat belts to Johnny. I don't know why I did. I couldn't believe what was happening. Ponyboy had overdosed on Tylenol and now he could die. I didn't want him to die. Yeah, ok, I didn't really like the kid, but if he died then a part of Soda would die with him. I couldn't stand it if that happened to Soda   
" Do you think he'll be all right Steve?" a very scared looking Johnny asked me   
" I don't know, the kid tried to kill himself," I said   
Two Bit, Dally, Soda, and Pony were in the other car. I'm kind of relieved because I don't think I would've been able to drive Pony to the hospital. It's just not fair. The gang was finally starting to recover from the whole Bob incident, and now this.   
" I don't want him to die," whispered Johnny   
" None of us do," I said   
" If he died the gang would be really different," said Johnny   
"Really?" I asked dully   
"Yes, believe me," he said   
" Ok, I'll take your word for it," I said, not wanting to press the issue any farther   
"Hey Steve, we're almost at the hospital," Johnny told me.   
" Ok," was all I could think of to say   
I pulled into the right lane and went down the street that lead to the hospital. I found Two Bit's car in the parking lot and quickly found a space next to him. Johnny and I both got out of the car and ran to Two Bit   
"Is he awake?" I asked   
Two Bit shook his head   
"No, we think he might be unconscious,"   
"Oh no," moaned Johnny   
"Hey Johnny, it'll be ok," said Dally in a rare attempt at being comforting   
I went to the back seat of Two Bit's car and watched as Sodapop pulled his unmoving little brother from the car. Pony didn't even look asleep at this point. He did look unconscious.... or dead   
"Pony's not.....?" I couldn't get the words out   
Soda looked at me with red eyes and a tear stained face   
"No, he's strong, even though it doesn't seem like it," he said softly   
" Come on guys, we gotta get him in!" said Johnny   
We all ran for the hospital entrance, except for Soda who walked quickly   
" Yes, may I help you gentlemen?" asked a nurse that looked like she could be my grandmother   
"Yes, our friend's little brother took too many pills," I told her   
"Ohh my, where is he?" she asked   
"Here he is," I turned around and saw Soda with Pony in his arms   
" All right well I'll go see about a stretcher," said the nurse and hurried off   
" His lips are purple," murmured Soda   
"Hey, you said it yourself, he's strong," I said   
"Damn it Steve, Pony shouldn't have this kind of life! He can do better, and it's killing him," Soda said in a half yell half whisper   
Pony, Pony, Pony. It was always about Ponyboy. Why?   
"Maybe he was just attention starved," I said coldly   
"How could you say something like that?" Soda asked me angrily   
"Hey guys come on," said Two Bit   
"Don't fight, ya'll," Johnny pleaded   
" A hospital ain't the place for fighting," Dally said   
" I guess so," I mumbled and shot a hateful glare in Pony's direction. I hadn't realized until now how much i really didn't like that kid.   
" Here we go," said the grandmother nurse returning with some doctors and a stretcher. Soda silently loaded Pony onto it and we all watched as the doctors took him away.   
" I hope......" Two Bit said   
" Yeah, I know," said Dally   
A few minutes later a very serious faced doctor came towards us and said   
" Mr. Curtis will you come with me please?" he asked   
"Yes sir," Soda mumbled and followed the doctor down the hall   
" Do you really hate Pony," asked Johnny   
"What, Why would you think that,"I asked   
"The whole gang knows that you can't stand the kid," Dally told me   
"Yeah well, it's none of your damned business anyway," I said angrily   
"Hey come on Steve, the kid has done nothing to you, except tag along with Soda a few times," Two Bit said   
" Maybe that's why I don't like him," I said   
The other guys looked at each other in a way that meant,   
"Let's not ask him any more questions, he's getting mad,"   
I just smirked and looked in the other direction. Two Bit walked over to the vending machine and began to look it up and down, pointing at everything.   
"Matthews, What the hell are you doing?" Dally asked him   
" Just trying to pass time," Two Bit answered   
" I wonder what they're doing back there," Johnny said   
"Back there? There's a lot of people back there, Johnnycakes," I said   
" I meant Ponyboy, and you know it," he said.   
"Yeah, well, I'm not wishing for the kid to die, just so you know," I said   
The other guys just nodded and went back to whatever they were doing. A few minutes later, Sodapop came back with a stony expression on his face.   
" Has anyone called Darry yet?" he asked   
"No, but I will," Two Bit volunteered   
The whiteness and sterile smell of the hospital was starting to get to me. That sort of sour smell that reminds you of going to the doctor to get a shot when you're a little kid.   
"So what's the news?" Dally asked   
" He overdosed," Soda said in a strained voice   
" I'm sorry man, is he going to make it," I asked.   
Even though I don't really like Pony, I really didn't want him to die. My feelings towards the kid were so mixed up right now.   
" He's unconscious right now, and they said tonight determines if he lives or not," Soda said   
" Can we see him,?" asked Johnny   
"Yeah, they said family only, but you guys are family,"   
We followed Soda down the hall and to the door of a hospital room.   
" I guess I should warn you guys that this isn't pretty," Soda said   
" We can handle it," I said   
He just nodded and opened the door. I walked in and stopped right where I was. Soda was right. It wasn't pretty. Ponyboy lay in the hospital bed with a skin tone that made Dally look tan. He had an iv in his arm, and tubes going down his nose and throat. The tubes were attached to a respirator that kept going up and down. I only knew what it was because we studied health in school last year. Wires were attached all over his body, and a heart monitor beeped slowly next to his bed. Soda went over to him and took his hand,   
" They pumped his stomach as soon as he came in," he said   
" That's good, isn't it?" asked Two Bit   
"Yeah, but....look at him," Soda said in a voice that made me cringe   
" Is he in a coma?" asked Johnny   
" They won't tell me, but I think he is," Soda said   
" Did they tell you what's wrong, besides the fact that he ODed?" Dally asked   
"They said it affected his liver, and for some reason he's not able to breathe on his own," Soda said   
His voice sounded mechanical. Like a robot or something that had been pre-recorded. It wasn't Soda at all, and I wanted my friend back.   


**A/N. I'm just going to stop it there. Again, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, You guys are the best!******

**( I hope there aren't a lot of typos)******

**Fyre**


	12. Survive

Survive 

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot**   
**A/N Everyone that has reviewed and/or read this story gets a hug.******

***Two Bit's POV***   
*** Takes place when Soda asks if anyone's called Darry yet*******

" Has anyone called Darry yet?" Soda asks   
" I will," I volunteer so I can get away for a minute   
I find the nurses desk and ask to use the phone. I try to remember the number of Darry's boss and when it finally comes back to me I punch in the numbers. The phone rings once.. twice in my ear. Then I hear a voice on the other end of the line   
"Hello?"   
"Hello, is Darrel Curtis there?" I ask, figuring I should be formal   
" He's busy, what do you want?"   
" I'm a friend of his, and I'm calling from the hospital because his little brother's here."   
There was a pause and then the voice said   
" Ok, hold on I'll go get him,"   
While I wait for Darry to pick up the phone I tap my feet on the linoleum tiles. One two three and one two, one two three and one two,   
"Hello?" I hear Darry's voice   
"Hey Darry it's Two Bit,"   
"What's going on? Josh said you were at the hospital,"   
So that's who that guy was.....   
" Yeah, Pony ODed on Tylenol,"   
"ODed?" Darry's voice cracks   
"Yeah, he took like fourteen or fifteen pills. The doctors are checking him right now."   
" How is he?"   
" He's unconscious, but that's all I know. It doesn't look good Darry,"   
" I'll be there as soon as I can,"   
" Ok, see you then,"   
I hang up the phone and thank the nurse. I then remember that I don't know where Pony's room is so I go back to the nurses' desk.   
"Excuse me, do you know where Ponyboy Curtis's room is?"   
"Only family members are allowed in at this point, are you a family member?"   
"Yes, I'm his cousin Keith," I said   
" Good thinking on the cousin bit," I tell myself   
" Well all right then. He's in room 208. Just go down the hall and it's the second room on the right,"   
"Thank you," I said and walked down the hall, to the right, and then stood in front of the second door. Room 208. The window is the kind that's hard to see through. I guess that's for privacy reasons. I look around me for..... I don't know what for and slowly open the door.   
" Hi Two Bit," Johnny greets me, but all I can do is nod and stare at the motionless figure in the bed. Ponyboy doesn't look like a fourteen year old kid. He's so small and pale and weak looking. There are tubes going into his nose and around his mouth. I can hear the faint beeping of the heart monitor.   
"What did the doctor's say?" I ask the room   
" They said the Tylenol may have caused him liver damage and that he might not make it through the night," Soda says this to the wall, but I know he's talking to me.   
I go over to Pony's bed and watch to see if I can see any movement. Nothing.   
" I don't see his chest moving," I say once again to the room.   
"That's because he can't breathe on his own. The respirator is doing it for him," Steve informs me.   
I follow the line of the tubes to a heavy looking machine that has an accordion like thing in it that keeps moving up and down. That must be the respirator. A machine. Pony's being kept alive by a machine. I can't stand to look at him any longer so I turn away. I catch Johnny's gaze from across the room and he gives me a small, sad smile. He understands.   
" So did the doctors actually say they didn't know if he was in a coma or not, or did they just not tell you?" Dally asked Soda   
"They didn't tell me,"   
" I called Darry," I tell Soda in an attempt to be helpful   
"Thanks Two Bit," he mumbles   
" I'm going to go get a drink, anyone wanna come with?" Dally asks.   
Johnny and I volunteer to go. Soda wants to stay with his little brother and Steve wants to stay with his best friend. Steve doesn't even really like Pony, but he's staying in the room for Soda's sake.   
Dally, Johnny, and I walk to the hospital cafeteria. We each get a coke and then sit down at a table with a doctor and a nervous looking woman in a blue sweater.   
" I can't believe we're here." Johnny said   
I don't even try to make a remark about that   
" I guess none of us really knew how Pony felt," is what I say instead   
" This whole rough and tough greaser life isn't for a kid like Pony," Dally said   
"Yeah, I wish I had the chance to talk to him before today," Johnny said   
" I know what you mean," I said   
" I know it sounds stupid, but I can't help but think that maybe if I sat down and had a real talk with Pony he wouldn't have taken those pills," Johnny said   
" It's not stupid Johnnycakes, I think we're all thinking that," Dally said   
" There's nothing we could have really done. I think Pony made his mind up about this a while ago," I said   
" It just doesn't seem real does it?" Johnny asks us   
" No, it really doesn't," Dally agrees   
" I really hope for Soda and Darry's sake that he wakes up soon," I said   
" Yeah, and if he doesn't wake up for a while, at least the doctors could tell us if he'll make it or not," Dally said   
"I don't want to be in the room if they say he won't," Johnny said   
"I don't think any of us do, but we gotta try and think positive, especially for Pony's sake," I said   
"Yeah, but damnit I hate this! I hate having to sit around and wait to see if my one of my best friends is going to die or not," Johnny said miserably   
"It's tough, but we've always been there for each other and that doesn't stop now," I said   
" Thanks Two Bit, you're right, I guess I'm just upset,"   
" I don't blame you one bit," Dally said   
Johnny nodded and took a sip of his coke. Suddenly a frantic looking doctor appeared in the doorway of the cafeteria and yelled,   
" Ferner, we need you in room 208, stat! Code Blue!"   
The doctor at our table gets up quickly and runs off with the other doctor. I can already feel the blood draining from my face.   
" Code Blue, doesn't that mean?" I ask   
"Someone's flat lining," Johnny said   
" And isn't room 208....." I ask again   
Dally looks me straight in the eye and nods,   
" Pony's room." 

**A/N. I'm going to stop there for dramatic effect. Please tell me what you think. I really like this chapter.******

**Fyre**


	13. Hold On

Hold On****

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot**   
**A/N. Hurray for all my readers!!**   
**This chapter is only about six or so minutes but there is a lot of dialogue**   
***Dally's POV***   
***Right where the story was***

For a minute I felt like I couldn't move. Pony was flat lining. I knew that meant his heart had stopped beating, which could mean he was dead all ready.   
"Come on, we gotta go," I said and got up from the table.   
" Ok, wait up," Two Bit called   
He and Johnny ran after me down the hall to Pony's room. Steve was standing outside with his arm around Soda.   
"What happened?" I asked   
" One minute we were just talking and the next thing I knew the heart monitor went flat and all these doctors ran in here," Steve said   
" He's going to die," Soda said numbly   
"We don't know anything yet," I told him   
"Is Darry here yet," asked Two Bit   
" Not yet," Steve told us.   
"Soda!" I heard Darry yell   
" Speak of the devil," murmured Steve   
Darry walked down the hall as quickly as he could without actually running.   
" I got here as soon as I could.......what's going on?" he asked   
" Pony's flat lining," Soda told him   
"No, he can't....." Darry slumped against the wall   
" The doctors are trying to save him," I said   
"Ponyboy," Darry whispered   
"Darry, don't give up yet," Johnny said   
I moved closer to the door to see if I could hear anything. When I got there I realized not only could I hear what was going on, but I could see a little bit as well. Doctors rushed around the room and yelled at each other. I saw Pony lying on the bed, shirtless, pale, and unmoving. One of the doctors brought two paddle looking things to Pony's bed and put them on his chest.   
"Clear," he shouted   
Pony's body jumped on the bed, but nothing else happened. I didn't want to watch anymore so I walked a few steps away from the room and stood next to Darry.   
" He's only fourteen," he said   
" I know, it's tough," I said   
" There's so much stuff he hasn't done yet," Darry said looking down at the floor   
I had never seen Darry like this. He was usually the one that knew what to do. He was the oldest of all of us, and was kind of the parental figure of the gang. Right now he looked lost and alone. To be completely honest, it scared me. I'm not supposed to be scared. I'm Dallas Winston, born and raised on the dirty crime filled streets of New York. And here I was, feeling scared like a little kid because the guy I considered a parental figure didn't know what to do.   
"He's never had a girlfriend," Darry continued   
" Don't start thinking of the things he'll never have," I said   
Darry just sighed and leaned further against the wall. I couldn't stand to be around him when he was like this anymore so I went over to Two Bit.   
"Darry's taking this hard," was all I could say   
" Yeah, well what did you expect? His kid brother's dying and there's nothing he can do," Two Bit told me.   
When he said that, the full impact of what was happening sunk in. Two Bit was being serious and mature, and that never happened.   
" I'm going to see if Johnny's ok," I said.   
" Ok,"   
I walked over to Johnny, who was walking back and forth on his crutches.   
"Hey Johnnycakes," I said   
He turned and looked at me then walked, or whatever you call it when someone's on crutches, over to me.   
"Hi Dally," he said quietly   
"Are you doing ok?" I asked him.   
I've made it my personal job to look after Johnny. The kid has a shitty home life,and he's a great guy. He needs someone to be there for him. Of course, no one knows about this and I don't plan to tell anyone soon.   
" It's only been about three minutes, but it seems like hours," he said   
" Yeah, I guess when you're waiting for something time goes by slowly," I said   
" How much longer will it take?" he asked me   
" I don't know Johnny, I'm not a doctor," I said   
" I know, but I wish someone could tell me what's happening," he said   
" I think we all do," I said   
" Especially Soda and Darry," he said   
"Yeah, I've never seen Darry take anything this hard," I said   
" Well, Pony and Soda are all he's got,"   
" Yeah, and we'll all be hurt if Pony dies," I said a softer tone than normal   
Johnny looked at me with a surprised expression on his face. I really don't blame him. I was being soft in a way. I was being logical and sympathetic and everything else that wasn't supposed to be associated with me.   
" This must be hitting you pretty hard too," Johnny said to me   
I didn't want to seem any more of an emotional guy than I was being so I just said   
" Yeah, well sometimes life just sucks,"   
I turned away so I couldn't see Johnny's face. Why the hell was I acting like this? I saw people die in New York all the time. I held guys dying in my arms while their blood spilled into the streets. I saw things that would give a little kid nightmares. Even so, here I was being all emotional and what not over some kid.   
"He's not just some kid though," I thought   
" He's Ponyboy,"   
Ponyboy was the one out of all us that had a real good chance of making it. He was smart, tuff, and didn't act like a hood like most of the guys in our neighborhood. Maybe that's why all this was affecting me so much. Because I didn't want to see Pony's life end like this. I felt confused, and I decided to quit thinking about it.   
" Pull yourself together Winston," I told myself   
The door to Pony's room opened and a tired looking doctor walked out. Darry stood straight up, and we all waited to hear the news.   
" I'm sorry we did all we could, but we lost him."   
I heard a gasp and saw that Soda was leaning heavily against Steve, who was trying to comfort him the best he could. Darry just stood there, not saying a word. Johnny had a tear running down his cheek and he carefully wiped it away. Two Bit kept shaking his head, and I said the first thing that came to my mind   
" Damnit kid, why?"   
Just then I heard someone shout and a nurse came to the door of Pony's room   
" Doctor," she said.   
**** ****

**A/N. That may have seemed a little weird, but I wanted to explore the character depths of Dally. Once again I'm going to leave you all hanging until the next chapter.**   
**Please tell me what you think.**   
**Fyre**


	14. Slowly Walk Away To Breathe Again

Slowly Walk Away To Breathe Again****

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot. The title is a line from the song Darkness by Disturbed.**   
**A/N. Thanks for all the reviews. It just makes writing worthwhile to know that people enjoy reading this story.******

***Johnny's POV***   
***Right before the doctor tells the gang Pony's dead***

I paced back and forth on the white tiles trying to make sense of what was happening. How long had it been ? I didn't think it took this long to revive someone.   
"At least they're not giving up", I thought.   
I didn't hate Pony for doing this, but I hated what was happening to the gang. Soda looked like a scared little boy, and Steve was the teen father who didn't know how to comfort him. Darry was lost. He had no idea what direction to turn to, and he just stood there, lost and alone. Two Bit wasn't joking around or smiling. He was being serious. I don't think I've ever seen Two Bit truly serious. And here he was, looking like his mother died.   
The strangest change was Dally. He was letting his emotions show through, even though I know he didn't want it to be that way. Sometimes when Pony and I would talk about the gang he would mention Dally's eyes. How they seemed iced over, glaring with hate.   
"You've melted them Ponyboy," I thought.   
I wasn't sure if I had changed at all. I wasn't the same person I was before the Bob incident, but I don't think I've changed from that. Maybe it's a good thing. A sign or something.   
The door to Pony's room opened and a tired looking doctor stepped out. I studied his face to see if I could tell anything. His face was worn and exhausted. I thought of doctors' faces right after they delivered a baby. They often had the same worn and tired look. Then their faces broke out into a smile and they announced if it was a girl or a boy. I knew this was different though. Somehow before the doctor even opened his mouth I knew what he was going to tell us was not going to be good. Deep down we all knew, Pony was going to die from this. I didn't know if that's what he really wanted, or if he was just confused. I stopped myself before I went any further. What if Pony wasn't dead. ? The doctor could just be telling us that Pony's heart was beating again, but he was in a coma. The doctor opened his mouth and I leaned forward to catch every word.   
" I'm sorry we did all we could, but we lost him,"   
I heard someone gasp and heard Dally mutter,   
" Damnit kid, why ?"   
It was a while before I realized I was crying.   
"Lost him", the doctor said   
"Go find him !," I wanted to scream.   
I wanted to go up to that doctor and beat on him and scream at him for losing Ponyboy. For losing my best friend. Pony was already lost, he needed to be found. Not lost again.   
I stood there on my crutches and sobbed. Cried until I thought my tears were gone. I didn't want to be here anymore, surrounded by all this pain. The nurse came to the door, but I ignored her. I just concentrated on finding that place in my mind. The one where there were no Greasers and Socs. No one fought based on financial status. The air was bright and clear. It was a place that was gold all the time. Somewhere that Pony had told me about once, and I'd always wanted to go. I've just been waiting for the right moment. I've found that moment. 

" Johnny ?, Johnny can you hear me ?" I heard Dally's voice say.   
" Dally ? How did he get here ? Pony didn't tell him about this place too, did he ?"   
I squeezed the muscles around my eyelids. Trying to remember how to open them. I slowly opened one eye and looked up. There was Dally, looking down at me with a worried expression. It was a moment before I realized I was in his arms.   
"Dally ?" I asked hoping he'd take the hint.   
"Johnny you're awake. What ? Oh, sorry,"   
He slid me out of his grip and helped me sit up.   
" What happened?" I asked.   
" You fainted and it's good you were standing right next to me so I could catch you. Because if you fell with those crutches it really wouldn't be good. You could've been hurt and...." Dally stopped talking.   
" Are Darry and Soda in the room with Pony's body ?" I asked   
" Nope,"   
"No ?"   
"He's alive Johnnycakes. I don't know how the hell he did it, but the kid managed to get his own heart beating even after all those doctors couldn't," Dally said with a small grin of triumph on his face.   
"He's alive ? How is he ?" I asked, praying that the news was good.   
" He's in a coma. Pretty deep from what I can tell,"   
" Is he gonna make it ?"   
"I'm not sure Johnnycakes. The doctors said he might not survive the night, and the night's not over yet,"   
"I know, but I'm not giving up. Can we see him ?"   
" You're a good kid Johnny," he said softly.   
Then he helped me to my feet and said   
" Sure, the rest of the gang's all ready there."   
We walked back inside Pony's room and I was relieved to find he didn't look any worse. He didn't look any better either, but not worse. The only difference in his appearance was an oxygen mask that covered his face. Soda was standing by his bedside holding his hand and softly crying. Tears of what ? Happiness ? Relief ? Sadness that he may never talk to his little brother again ? Darry stood behind Soda, stroking Pony's hair back with his fingers. Murmuring something that sounded like,   
" Pony, Pony, Pony. I can't lose you,"   
Steve and Two Bit stood in the middle of the room looking at Pony. They seemed amazed as if Pony had performed some sort of magic trick. The amazing Ponyboy, who can come back from the dead ! Steve walked over to Soda and put a hand on his back   
"The worst is probably over," he said   
" I hope so," Soda's voice was shaky.   
"Hey come on, you've said so yourself, he's strong," Steve said   
Soda reached up a hand to touch Pony's pale cheek.   
" He is, he's one of the strongest people I know," he whispered.   
" Me too," I said   
Soda looked up at me.   
"Hey Johnny, did you hear ?"   
It was an odd question because it was obvious that Pony was still alive. It was too wonderful a moment to waste though.   
" Yeah, I can't believe it."   
" Neither can I," he said   
Soda stood up and went over to talk to Two Bit. I walked over to Pony's bed and looked down at him.   
"You really scared us you know ? We can't lose you Pony, don't you know how much you mean to us ?" I asked.   
Of course Pony didn't reply but I continued anyway.   
" I went to that place we always talked about. You know, the really nice one without Greasers or Socs. The place that's always......   
"Gold," I heard a voice say and I looked down.   
Pony had one eye barely opened and he was looking straight at me.   
" Gold," he repeated again.   
Pony's voice was raspy and he looked like he had been hit with a truck, but that didn't matter. He was awake. Ponyboy was alive.   
"Darry," I said   
Darry opened his eyes and looked at his little brother. Now both of Pony's eyes were opened, but they looked like they could drop at any minute.   
"Pony," he said slowly.   
Pony's eyes moved to his oldest brother.   
" I'm sorry," he whispered.   
Darry was crying. I couldn't believe it. Darry the superman was crying.   
"What's going on. Darry are you ok ?" Two Bit asked   
" Are you crying ? Oh no, please no," Soda started to say   
" He's awake," Darry said through tears.   
"Awake ?" Soda asked.   
" He's alive," I said   
Pony's eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep.   
" Stay gold," I whispered so only he could hear.   
I would never have to ask him if he heard me. I knew he did.   
**** ****

**A/N. Pony's alive! Did you guys really think I was going to kill off the main point of this story ? Tell me what you think.******

**Fyre**


	15. Deep Rememberings, Dark Thoughts

Deep Rememberings, Dark Thoughts   
****

**Disclaimer: I don not own the Outsiders. I own the plot.******

**A/N. 113 Reviews! Wow, thanks so much you guys, I never expected to get this far.******

*** Pony's POV***   
***Two days later***

"Pony ?"   
Everything was heavy. I didn't know how to get it off me. There was a force holding me down. Placing me in darkness. I knew that I had to get rid of the force, I had to fight back. I started to push at the air around me with all my strength. For some reason there wasn't much of it. Someone was calling my name. I couldn't tell who it was from the voice. I couldn't see them because of the force. I had to get rid of the heaviness.   
"Pony, can you hear me?"   
Of course I can hear you, but I can't see you.   
Suddenly the force was gone and it was as if I had an enormous weight lifted off my chest. I slowly opened my eyes because I wasn't sure how well I'd be able to. When my eyes were fully opened, to my surprise I couldn't make out anything. There were only colors and shapes. Blurred images that had lost their meaning. I saw a figure standing next to me that looked like it might be a person. Was this the owner of the voice ?   
"Pony, can you talk to me?" the person asked.   
I blinked a few times and slowly the world started to come into view. I blinked a few more times and then I was able to make out the person next to me. It was Darry. He looked exhausted and his eyes were red.   
"Darry ?" I asked worriedly   
"Pony ?"   
"Yeah, what's wrong ?"   
Darry gave me a look of disbelief   
"Don't you remember ?" he asked   
I was about to say something, but then I had a closer look at were I was. The walls all around me were white, and the room had an air of sadness to it. I looked down at myself and realized I was in a strange bed with starched white sheets. I looked at myself, and to my surprise there was an iv in my arm. I reached up my other hand to my face and felt tubes going in my nose.   
"Darry ?" I asked again, only this time my voice was frightened not worried   
" Yeah baby ?"   
" Am I in the hospital ?"   
Darry bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. Very not Darry like behavior.   
"Yeah, we brought you in Thursday night, you woke up for about three minutes and now it's Saturday afternoon.   
"Why ?" I asked.   
I was still confused. Why was I in the hospital, and why did Darry look so sad   
He looked at me carefully. It was almost as if he was trying to decide what to tell me and what not to tell me.   
"Pony, do you remember anything ?"   
I was about to say no, and then it all hit me. I remembered lying on my bed and feeling nothing. No emotion or feeling anywhere on my body. I decided that I wanted to feel something again, that I wanted to start coming back to the world. I went into our bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I looked through it until I found a bottle of Tylenol. I picked it up and took it back to my room. By this point I'm pretty sure I had no idea what I was really doing. When I got back to my room I opened the Tylenol on my bed and counted the contents. Fourteen pills. There was a glass of water on the dresser and I went over and got that and then sat back down on my bed. I wasn't sure how many pills to take so I just decided to take all of them. One by one, I popped them in my mouth with gulps of water. For a while I felt fine, and I thought everything was fine. Then I started to feel a little funny. My stomach hurt a little and it was hard to find my breath. I didn't want to be any more of a burden on the gang than I already was so I just laid down on the bed. The pain was worse and right then all I wanted in the entire world was for the pain to go away. But it wouldn't and I laid on my bed and whimpered softly. I was so stupid. The guys were going to be mad at me. I didn't want that to happen and I tried to act normal. The pills had worked too far into my system though and I couldn't do anything about it. I was weak and all I could do was blink and concentrate on breathing. Eventually my room started to fade away and then I was trapped in the darkness.   
"Do you remember ?" Darry asked me with a look of   
concern.   
" I.. I..." was all I could say   
" Pony, we all want to help you, " Darry told me   
" How could you want to help me after I was so stupid? " I asked, now I felt like I was going to cry   
"Pony how could you say that ?" Darry asked   
I didn't want to answer him. I didn't know how to express what I was feeling with words. Luckily fate decided to be kind and the door to my room opened and the rest of the guys walked in.   
They stood in the front of the room for a moment and stared at me.   
"Hi ," I said weakly   
That broke the ice and Soda ran over to me and Darry had to hold him back to keep him from flinging himself onto me   
" Pony, you're awake. I was so worried," Soda said   
" Really ?" I could help but ask   
Soda looked at me in disbelief   
" Of course, you almost died you know, "   
No, I didn't know that   
" What ?" I asked   
" When we brought you in Thursday night you were unconscious. The doctors had to pump your stomach immediately and after that you were still unconscious. The doctors wouldn't tell me if you were in a coma or not, but I knew you were,"   
Soda paused for a minute and then continued.   
" I was standing beside you and all of a sudden you flat lined. Doctors rushed into the room and made us leave. We waited outside to see what would happen. Then the head doctor came outside to tell us you had died."   
Soda's voice cracked on that last part and I could see tears in his eyes.   
" Pony, I thought I'd lost you," he sobbed   
Soda couldn't finish what he was trying to tell me so Two Bit jumped in   
" After the doctor told us you were dead, none of us could believe it. We just stood there, and did nothing because we didn't want it to be real. Then the nurse came to the door and told us you were alive. It was like a miracle or something,"   
Two Bit shook his head and at the same moment Soda wiped his eyes and smiled at me. I saw Steve giving me a strange look. It was between mad and upset. Was it because Soda was crying ? I had done it again. I had done something that hurt everyone around me. I was the reason Soda was so upset and Steve was mad. I couldn't take it anymore. I had caused to much suffering and the guys deserved better.   
"Hey kid are you ok ?" Dally asked me   
"Yeah, Pony is something wrong ?" Johnny asked me.   
I saw Johnny on his crutches and knew that it was all my fault.   
" I bet he's just tired," Steve said.   
He had the tiniest hint of a smirk on his face. I always knew he didn't really like me.   
" Air bubble," I said quietly.   
"What ?" Soda asked me in confusion.   
I didn't answer him though. I was already trying to figure out a way to cut the iv tube. I'd heard that was a definite way to die.   
Dally was standing next to me on the other side from Soda. He was also on the side with the hand that was iv free. I saw his switchblade sticking slightly out of his pocket and I slowly reached over and slid it out.   
" You sure you're ok ?" Darry asked me   
"Well except the fact that I'm in the hospital I'm fine," I lied   
It was time. The gang would be better off without me in the end. I knew they'd be upset at first, but then they 'd realize it was for the best. I was doing them a favor really.   
I tried to cut into iv with Dally 's switchblade. I put it against the tube and was about to press down, but then Dally saw me. He grabbed my arm and pulled his blade out of my grip.   
"What the hell were you trying to do ?" he yelled   
"What happened ?" Soda asked in alarm.   
Darry held up his blade for all to see.   
"He was trying to cut his iv with this."   
" That could've killed you," Johnny said softly   
I didn't tell him I knew   
" What were you thinking ? How could you be so stupid ?" Steve cried   
Two Bit started to say something but then I said   
" No, I knew what I was thinking,"   
" What were you thinking Pony ?" Darry asked me softly   
I turned my eyes towards the ceiling so I couldn't see any of their faces.   
" I was thinking I wanted to die," I said   
" No, no," I heard Soda say   
"Yes! Yes, I was !" I said as loud as I could   
" Why ?" I heard someone ask, I'm pretty sure it was Steve.   
"Because I cause too much trouble. I'm a burden on the gang and we all know it,"   
" That's not true," Johnny said   
I turned my eyes from the ceiling and onto Johnny   
" Do you see yourself with those crutches," I asked   
Johnny didn't say anything.   
"That's because of me. Because I'm so stupid,"   
" Come on Pony, you don't mean it," Two Bit said   
" Yes I do. I want to die," I said harshly   
" Pony, stop it," Steve said   
" Stop what ?" I asked him   
" All of this, just stop." he said angrily   
I wanted to prove that I meant what I said so I took the blade out of Dally 's pocket again. The guys were so busy trying to calm Steve down that they didn't notice. Somehow I was able to transfer the blade to the hand with the iv in it. Then I slashed out at my other hand.   
"Pony no !" Darry yelled and grabbed the blade   
It was too late though. Blood ran down my arm in a red river.   
" What the hell !" Dally cried   
I tried to savor this moment but something went wrong.   
I started to breathe really fast and I felt cold.   
" Pony ?" Johnny asked   
I could feel my heart beating faster and I didn't know what was happening.   
" Something's happening to him, his skin's turning blue," Two Bit cried   
" Someone go find a doctor, he needs one for his arm," Darry said   
Two Bit ran out of the room.   
" What's wrong with him ?" Steve asked   
I couldn't talk to them. All I could do was lie there in confusion and feel the blood flow slow down throughout my body   
" I think he's going into shock," Darry said   
That was the last thing I heard anyone say for a while. 

**A/N. I hoped you guys liked that. This is the longest chapter so far. Please tell me what you think, you know I love to hear from you. I checked for typos, but I might not have caught them all. Sorry.**


	16. Too Late

Too Late   
**Disclaimer: I only own the plot**   
**A/N I can't believe how far I've come, I owe a lot of to you guys because of all your support.**   
**All of my readers and reviewers, this chapter's for you. This chap takes place right before the end of 15, but the dialogue is different. There's definitely cussing******

***Darry's POV***   
***Right before Pony slashes his wrist***

" Steve, calm down it's ok," Soda said   
"I'll be calm when I damn well want to," Steve said   
"Hey guys, stop," Two Bit said   
" I'm with Two Bit, you know this isn't the time or place for this," I said   
"Yeah, please," Johnny begged   
None of us can really resist Johnny when he asks something like that. I don't think it's because we feel sorry for him or anything, but because we care a lot.   
"Ok, I'll try to be calmer," Steve grumbled   
" Thanks," Soda said   
" We know you don't exactly like Pony, but I think you can stay calm," Dally said   
I heard Two Bit agree with him, and then I focused my gaze towards Pony's bed. He looked so damn tired and weak. I wasn't used to seeing either of my brother's like this. Not even when Pony was sick. I looked a little bit closer and Pony's bed and saw that he was holding something in his hand.   
"What the..?" I thought   
In a few seconds I saw that the item was Dally's switchblade. I could've sworn we took it away from him. Sometimes it isn't a good thing that Pony can be very determined. I tried to grab it from his hands, but I was too late. In what seemed like slow motion, and I couldn't move, I saw Pony take the switchblade in his hand that had the iv and slash it across his other wrist. Then it was over and I could move again, which I did.   
"Pony no," I yelled and grabbed the blade before he could do any more damage.   
"Darry what is it ?" Soda asked me   
He didn't need me to give him an answer. Pony's wrist was already stained red with blood. He looked at his arm and didn't say anything.   
" Fuck!" Dally said   
" Pony, why the hell?" Steve asked   
Pony didn't answer him.   
"Pony?" Johnny asked with a hint of fear in his voice   
Pony lay on the bed, still, but breathing heavily.   
' Guys, look at his skin," Two Bit cried.   
"What his skin?" Soda asked in a confused tone of voice.   
I didn't know what Two Bit was talking about either until I got right next to Pony. His skin was starting to have a bluish hue.   
" Is his skin turning blue ? What's happening Darry ?" Soda asked me   
"Someone go get a doctor quickly," I said and saw Two Bit run out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him.   
Pony's eyes were wide and he looked terrified. I saw him breathing in short small gasps and then I was able to tell Soda what I thought was wrong.   
"He's going into shock." I said   
At that exact moment Pony's eyes rolled back in his head.   
"Shock?" Johnny repeated   
"Yeah," was all I could say   
I looked at Pony again, there was absolutely nothing I could do,"   
"Where's the doctor?" asked Dally   
My thoughts exactly   
"Here," I heard Two Bit's voice say   
Two seconds later he walked in with a doctor.   
" I understand there is an emergency here," the doctor said   
"Yes sir, our little brother just slashed his wrist," I said pointing to Soda and I and then to Pony.   
The doctor went to the door and yelled   
"Nurse"   
A short blond nurse came into the room right after   
"Yes doctor?"   
He said a bunch of medical stuff that I didn't completely understand. I wasn't really listening anyway. The nurse left the room and the doctor took one of Pony's sheets and pressed it against his wrist.   
"We need to control the bleeding," he said   
" This young man has gone into shock," he said in a tone of alarm.   
"Yes, I know," I said   
The nurse came back into the room with two other doctors.   
"I'm sorry boys, but you'll have to leave now,"   
"Ok," Steve said   
I didn't want to leave but I knew it would be better for the doctors and Pony if I did. As I left the room I caught a glimpse of the sheet the doctor was using to try to controlling Pony's bleeding. It was bright red. The image made me sick to my stomach. Once we were outside the room, things weren't exactly better.   
"Not again, he can't do this again," Soda moaned.   
" He was awake and pretty fine a minute ago," Johnny said   
"I know, everything always seems to happen fast with Ponyboy," Two Bit said   
" I saw him," Steve said in a hushed voice   
"Saw who?" Dally asked   
"Pony, I saw him slash his wrist," Steve said.   
I noticed how pale he looked.   
" Steve, you don't look so good," Soda said worriedly   
"Soda I know you guys all know that I don't exactly like your brother. But I just watched him try to take his own life, that's a heavy image," Steve said in a calmer tone of voice than he usually had.   
" Please don't remind me my kid brother wants to die," Soda whispered   
" He told us," Two Bit said and gulped, " He told us he wanted to die,"   
"I hate to put it like this, but if Pony survives this, he needs help," Dally said   
" More than we can give to him, no matter how hard we try," I said.   
"It's not his fault," Johnny said.   
Sometimes he's so quiet I forget he's around.   
"Pony's fault?" I asked   
"He said that me being on crutches was all his fault," Johnny said.   
"That's not true," Soda said   
"Of course it isn't but Pony's mind isn't exactly the way it usually is right now," Dally said   
" This is just like Thursday night," Two Bit mused.   
" How many more times like this will there be?" Johnny asked out loud.   
"None, I hope," I said   
" Maybe Pony's determined to die," Steve said   
"Shut up, shut up do you hear me! He can't die!" Soda screamed and pushed Steve against the wall. Steve stood up and was about to do something just as bad to Soda, but something stopped him.   
"He can't die," Soda yelled.   
I pulled him closer to me and heard the sound of muffled sobs.   
" I just hope he makes it through this," Dally said   
"Dally, you're not the only one," Two Bit said.   
This nightmare was happening all over again. Why did Pony want to die. Couldn't he see how much we'd be hurt if he did? 

**Ok, that was chapter 16. Thanks for reading, I luvs you.******

**Fyre**


	17. Don't Leave Me

  
                          Don't Leave Me****

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. I only own the plot.**   
**A/N. I know I haven't updated in forever and a day. Sorry guys. I'll try to be better about updates.******

**Soda's POV**   
*** From when he pushes Steve against the wall***

"Maybe Pony's just determined to die," my friend Steve suggested.   
At least I thought he was my friend. How could he say that about my little brother? I could feel hot tears in my eyes. A sudden burst of energy came from somewhere inside of me and I pushed him against the wall.   
 "Don't say that! " I screamed at him   
"Soda," Two Bit said and touched my shoulder.   
"No! Pony's not going to die!" I yelled.   
Steve stood up and started to say something to me but he just looked at the ground and closed his mouth.   
" He can't die," I said softer this time.   
" Come here, Pepsi- Cola," my brother Darry murmured and pulled me into him.   
I buried my head in his shoulder and sobbed until my cries were reduced to quiet whimpers. I didn't care that I probably looked like a baby in front of the gang. It didn't matter that I was seventeen years old. Right now I felt about five.   
"Hey is he going to be ok?" Dally asked Darry   
" He just needs some time," Darry replied   
" I wonder what the doctor's doing," Johnny said   
At the mention of the doctor that was trying to save my little brother's life again I moaned loudly.   
"Sorry man," Johnny whispered   
I lifted my face from Darry's shoulder, forgetting how I looked.   
"It's ok Johnny," I said   
" When will the doctor tell us something?" Steve asked and avoided my gaze.   
I didn't blame him.   
"Hopefully soon," Darry said.   
" Good, because I hate all this waiting," Dally said   
"You and me both", I thought.   
I heard the sound of a door opening and turned around to see Pony's doctor standing there. There was blood on the front of his doctor scrubs, and Two Bit saw it and groaned.   
" Who here is responsible for Ponyboy Curtis?" he asked.   
Darry squeezed my shoulder a little and went up to the doctor.   
" I am," he said   
"Sir," he added a second later.   
" Your younger brother is one very lucky young man," the doctor started.   
A huge sigh of relief went through the group. That meant Pony wasn't dead. He was still alive. For now anyway.   
"If that blade had gone two centimeters deeper into his arm it would've ruptured an artery, and he probably wouldn't be alive," the doctor told us.   
" Thank you, Dr….?" Darry said.   
" Pelsen, Dr. Pelsen," he said   
Darry shook his hand.   
" Well then, thank you Dr. Pelsen,"   
" How's the kid?" Dally interrupted.   
" He's asleep right now, fortunately he did not go into a coma," Dr. Pelsen said.   
"That's good news," Two Bit proclaimed   
Everyone was silent so he said,   
" Isn't it?"   
"Yes, it's good news," Dr. Pelsen said with a hint of a smile on his lips.   
Then his facial expression grew more serious.   
" I understand that Ponyboy was originally brought here because he attempted overdosing on Tylenol?" he asked.   
" Yes sir, that's correct," Darry said.   
" Has Ponyboy been showing any types of depression before the Tylenol incident?" DR. Pelsen asked.   
No one said anything. We all just stood there. Wondering if we could tell him the truth. Before I knew what was happening I answered his question.   
" Yes," I said clearly.   
Dr. Pelsen turned towards me.   
"And you are?" he asked.   
" Sodapop," Pony's other older brother.   
" Interesting names," he mumbled.   
Then he looked straight at me and asked,   
" Did you just say yes?"   
" Yes, sir," I said quietly but didn't say anything else.   
I couldn't. It hurt too much.   
" I'm Dallas Winston, friend of the family. Ponyboy's been cutting his arms with a razorblade," Dally said.   
Dr. Pelsen's eyebrows shot up.   
" Is that correct?" he asked.   
" Yes it is," Johny said.   
He, Two Bit, and Steve quickly introduced themselves to Dr. Pelsen.   
" Is there anything else I should know?" he asked after we told him about the self-cutting, Tylenol, and wrist slashing. Which he already knew about.   
" Yes, before Pony slashed his wrist he tried to cut his IV tube with the switchblade," Steve said.   
I wanted to be able to tell the doctor something useful that could help my little brother, but I couldn't even open my mouth. I felt like such a coward.   
" This is a cause for alarm," Dr. Pelsen said   
" Am I going to lose Pony? And Soda?" Darry asked in a panicked voice.   
Dr. Pelsen's voice became reasurring.   
" No, don't worry. Your social worker is here and she informed me of the good job you are doing taking care of your brothers," he said   
This time my sigh of relief swept over the room.   
" What's the problem then?" asked Two Bit   
" Because your brother has apparently attempted suicide at least three times, and you've told me he cuts himself, we'll have to move him to the fourth floor shortly,"   
" The fourth floor?" Johnny asked   
"Yes, the psychiatric unit," he said.   
At those words, he had my full attention.   
" The psychiatric unit?" Dally repeated.   
" Yes, it's not because we think he's crazy or anything like that, but because right now that is the best place to keep him to make sure he doesn't try to kill himself again,"   
He paused for a moment and then said,   
" We were all ready planning on moving him there, but now I believe it is the best possible thing.   
" How long do you think he'll be there" Darry asked. His voice sounded dry.   
" It depends really, not too long I'd think." Dr. Pelsen said.   
" What about school?" Darry asked.   
"We will contact his school and have his assignments sent here. There's an in hospital tutor that works with our children and teenaged patients.   
" Well at least Pony won't be behind in school," Johnny said quietly.   
" Does Pony know that you're going to move him?" Steve asked.   
I was surprised. I really didn't think Steve gave a flying fuck about my little brother.   
"If he's awake, my assistant, Dr. Mont should be telling him right now."   
I finally found my voice.   
" Can we see him now?" I asked Dr. Pelsen.   
My voice sounded scratchy and so much not like it usually did.   
" Yes, I'm sure I don't need to warn you about anything," Dr. Pelsen said.   
" I'm sure you don't," I heard Dally mumble sarcastically   
Once again we walked into Pony's room. He was awake and looking at the white tiled ceiling I was glad to see that nothing was really different about Pony except he had a large white bandage on wrist and he looked like he'd been crying. As I walked closer to his bed I realized he was crying. After a minute I knew the other guys knew too,   
" Pony?" I asked.   
" Soda," he whispered hoarsely.   
"Hey kid are you crying?" Dally asked.   
" Maybe," was all he said.   
" Why?" Johnny asked.   
" The doctor just told me that they're gonna move me to the psychiatric ward," he said.   
" That's not so bad," Two Bit said.   
" I know what psychiatric ward means. It's just a better name for mental ward. They're going to put me with all the insane people because I'm bad and….." Pony's voice cracked.   
" You're not bad Pony. You just need help," Steve said.   
I shot him a grateful look.   
I placed my hand over Pony's and he managed to grasp my hand with his fingers. It was a weak grip, but I knew that was all the strength he had.   
"I want you guys to promise me something," he said through quiet tears.   
" What's that?" Darry asked.   
" Please don't leave me. I know I've been a bad person and I don't deserve anything good, but please don't leave me." Pony whispered.   
I squeezed his hand, being careful not to hurt his wrist and said,   
" You're not bad Pony, stop thinking that."   
" Don't even think about us leaving you because that's not going to happen" Johnny told him.   
I couldn't hear Pony crying anymore so I looked at him. He was asleep and I felt his small grip on my hand loosen.   
" He's asleep," I told the guys.   
" Damn, this is a heavy load for him," Dally said.   
" It's heavy for all of us," Darry said.   
Then he looked at Pony and said,   
" But I guess you're right Dally. This is a lot harder on Pony than the rest of us."   
I heard the rest of the gang say something about Darry's comment, but I wasn't listening.   
I brushed hair back from his eyes. Something I always did when he was asleep, but had never done under these circumstances.   
" I wish you'd stop saying you're a bad person," I told him.   
" You're one of the best people I know, and I know this isn't really your fault," I continued.   
 I sighed and tried not to cry again. I didn't want a repeat episode of what happened in the hall. I needed to be strong for Ponyboy.   
" I don't know if I tell you this enough, but I love you Pony. We all love you, and you need to remember that," I told my little brother.   
Then I leaned my head against his bed, and before I knew what I was doing I was fast asleep.****

**That was chapter 17. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Until the next update, this is Fyremoon signing off.**   



	18. Stay

** Stay******

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders, I only own the plot**   
**A/N Yes, I know it's been forever but I have a good excuse. I was one of the props people for our school musical and now it's over so I can update. Pony is now in the Psych ward. This doesn't really take place in the 60s. The poem "Stay" belongs to me.******

***Steve's Pov***   
*** Two Days later***

" Pony, are you hungry?" Darry asked his little brother.   
" No," was the only reply Darry got   
Darry looked at the nurse who had brought in the food and gave her an apologetic smile. She just smiled back and left the room.   
" Come on Pony you gotta eat," Soda pleaded.   
" He's right, this isn't good for you," Johnny told him.   
" Quit being so damn stubborn," Dally said.   
Pony struggled to sit up in his hospital bed and when he finally did so, he shot Dally a death glare.   
" This might not be like that other food you've had," I said   
Now, Pony turned and looked at me.   
" I'm still in the hospital," he said icily.   
" Just a different part of it," he added   
" Well, would you look at that, Pony's Jell-O is dancing," Two Bit exclaimed.   
" On a different subject, I gotta go home and help mom with Kim, he added speaking of his ten year old sister.   
" Ok see you tomorrow," Darry said.   
We all said goodbye to him and then he left the room.   
I noticed Pony was clutching a piece of paper in his hand.   
"What's that?" I asked him.   
" Just something my new friend Hannah gave me." he said.   
" New friend?" Soda asked.   
Pony raised his blood stained, bandaged arm to the wall.   
" See that door right there,?" he asked, pointing to a small off white door near the corner.   
" Holy crap, I've never noticed that before," Dally said.   
" So why's she in the psychological ward?" Johnny asked.   
" Her best friend and apparently soul mate was raped by her step brother, her own dad molests her, no one in her school is even a little bit nice to her, she had an abortion last year because someone took it too far at a party." Pony said.   
His voice was starting to become shaker and then it softened.   
" Four days ago, she went into her parent's bedroom, found her dad's gun and shot her self in the chest."   
" Was she really hurt?" Johnny asked.   
" She's going to be ok physically, but everything else I can't say." Pony said.   
" All that shit she's had to go through." Dally said in amazement.   
"Yeah, that's worse than a lot of stories I've heard," I said.   
"Is she nice?" Soda asked.   
At this question Pony almost gave what I'm pretty sure was going to be a smile.   
" Yeah, we can just talk about stuff," he said.   
" Didn't your doctors recommend that?" Darry asked.   
"Yes." Pony said.   
" Is it helping at all?" Johnny asked.   
" I think it's too early to tell," Pony said.   
I could tell there was a change. Pony was beginning to sound more like the old Ponyboy. Like my friend's little brother that used to come everywhere with us.   
"Is that something she wrote?" Darry asked, pointing to the piece of paper in Pony's hand.   
" Yeah, it's a poem she wrote for her friend after her friend was raped."   
" Do you think we can read it?" Johnny asked.   
" Yeah, but I don't think I can read it out loud," Pony said.   
" I'll read it," Soda volunteered.   
He didn't return the look I gave him.   
" Well go on and read it," I said.   
Soda opened up the crumpled piece of paper and cleared his throat.   
" Stay," he read.   
" Must be the title," Dally said.   
Johnny nudged him and Dally gave Johnny a look of confusion because Johnny usually never does anything like that. But Johnny didn't reply so then Dally just decided to drop it. Soda was silent for a moment, and in that moment Pony laid back down on his bed.   
" Well, are you going to read it or not?" he asked.   
He was trying to sound tough, but even I could tell he was weak.   
" Yeah, I will," Soda said.   
" Cry all you can   
I see you're dying inside   
Nothing will make you smile   
Not even when the whole world tries   
There's something about this   
You're falling too fast   
Poor little bird with broken wings   
Don't hit the ground and break   
Please, I know you're bleeding inside   
But stay here with me   
I can't lose you   
Sometimes it hurts when I see your eyes   
They are dead   
Lifeless, without emotion   
When will the spark return?   
I don't want this to be our last goodbye   
If you died and left me   
I'd have to die too   
Then we'd both be one   
Forever from this earth   
It's not too late   
Just stay here and cry   
With me,"   
Soda finished reading the poem and gave it back to Pony.   
"That was really good," Johnny said.   
" Yeah, I bet she's a pretty deep girl." Dally said.   
"Uh huh," Pony nodded at both of these comments.   
It wasn't long before he was asleep. I stepped out in the hall to talk to Soda.   
"It's just too weird," he said   
"What is?" I asked.   
" That poem," she might as well been describing Ponyboy.   
" She wasn't though," I said   
" Of course not, they only met," Soda said.   
Then he walked up the hall and came back.   
" Steve look around, " he said.   
" What am I supposed to be looking at?" I asked.   
Soda came out right next to me and pointed all around the hall.   
" We are in the hospital Psych ward, and my little brother is a patient in the next room" he said in a disbelieving voice.   
" Yeah man, I know." I said.   
Soda grasped me by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eye.   
" Do you really Steve?" he asked me hoarsely,   
" What the, what are you doing?" I asked and pushed his hands off of my shoulders.   
" You have no idea what this is like for Darry and me," he said   
" Well I'm sorry that Pony wants to act out the dramatics in a hospital, I said.   
Sod shook his head and gave m one of those ," you'd never understand looks,".   
I hate those looks. I always wonder exactly what exactly it is that you don't understand.   
When we brought him here last week, I was holding him," Soda said   
" Yeah," was all I said   
" I could feel his soul being drained away from his body,"   
"Oh," I said   
Soda walked towards Pony's door and was about to open it and then he turned and said.   
" I miss him so much, you just don't get it Steve.   
Then he went inside.   
He's right. I don't get it. I have the feeling I will eventually though. And that feeling is the biggest thing in my life right now.****

**Ok. Good? Bad? Please tell me what you think.**   
**Fyremoon**


	19. Healing and BandAids

Healing and Band-Aids.****

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. I only own the plot and any new characters.**   
**A/N. Everyone that's reviewed this story so far, I love you! I t took me a while to figure this one out, but I promise I won't keep you waiting forever on future chapters.******

*** Two Bit's POV***   
*** The next day**

" Does anyone know what time it is?" Darry asked.   
I glanced at the watch I had just stolen.   
" Twelve forty-five," I told him.   
" Thanks Two Bit," he said.   
" No problem," I said.   
Soda nudged his lump of a brother in the bed.   
" Hey honey, you awake?" he asked.   
Nothing happened and I could feel a general sense of panic go throughout the room. When a kid you know tries to commit suicide multiple times then doesn't answer you or even move when you ask a question, it's scary.   
" Ponyboy?" Darry asked him.   
There was still no answer or movement and Darry was about to go get the doctor when we heard a small voice say,   
" I'm awake,"   
" You are?" I asked in mock incredulity.   
Pony slowly sat up.   
" Yes I am," he said.   
Right now Pony looks, well bad. His skin tone is white enough to match his sheets and his hair seems dull. There are always dark circles under his eyes, and when he looks at you it seems like someone very old and wise is looking at you. Then you have to remind yourself that he's only a fourteen-year-old kid. Of course there's one more main thing you can't forget. The large white bandage on his arm. It still had traces of dried blood, and every time I looked at it I felt something in the pit of my stomach. Am I forgetting anything? I glanced quickly at Pony. My gaze settled back on his arms. Oh yes, the reason we're all here in the first place. The lovely multiple scars all over his arms. The scars which he was the cause of.   
" Hey Pony, the doctor told me you might be able to get out of bed today," Darry said.   
Pony looked at Darry wearily.   
" I can hardly wait," he said dryly.   
Darry frowned at Pony's reaction but he kept his mouth shut. That's what we all do is keep our mouths shut when Pony says stuff like that. His doctors told us it was all part of the healing process. I hope that kid is healing because I don't know how much more of this Darry and Soda can take.   
" Oh come on Pony, you know you wanna get out of bed," Soda said   
" Yeah weren't you complaining about being stuck in bed just last night?" Steve asked him.   
" Ok, ok I admit it. I hate being stuck in bed," Pony said.   
" No one would like it," Johnny said softly.   
" Well I don't know, it depends on who you were stuck in bed with," Dally said mischievously.   
Pony and Johnny both blushed deep shades of scarlet and I nudged Dally in the ribs.   
" What was that for," he muttered angrily.   
" Can't you be decent for once?" I asked him.   
He laughed quietly.   
" Glory, I never thought I'd see the day when Two Bit Matthews talked about being decent. You're just as bad about girls as I am," he said.   
" Yeah well considering we're here because Pony tried to do himself in I just don't think we should talk about that kind of stuff around him," I said and fidgeted a little.   
I've never been very good at acting like an authority figure to anyone. That was Darry's job. Dally was younger than me though, and I guess it me gave some power over him.   
"Ok, I get it. No talking about girls in front of the kid," he said.   
" Just not right now," I said.   
Then I realized how hungry I was and how nice food sounded.   
" Hey does anyone want to come get some food with me?" I asked.   
No one wanted to so I left the room alone. I walked down the hallway for a while until a cute blonde nurse stopped me.   
" Excuse me, can I help you?" she asked.   
Now I've always had a thing for blondes, but I guess because this was a hospital that I shouldn't try to flirt.   
" I was just looking for the cafeteria," I answered her.   
" All right, the cafeteria is down the hall to the right." She said.   
" Thank you," I said and started to walk off.   
Then I realized I had another question I wanted to ask her. It was a stupid question really, but I had to ask.   
" Do the patients and guests eat together?" I asked her.   
She smiled at me and I could see her soft brown eyes.   
" Of course. Well at least the patients that have cafeteria privileges are allowed to eat in there, and the guests are welcome to eat with them,"   
There was a hint of amusement in her voice. My question was pretty silly. I mumbled thanks and walked towards the cafeteria. When I got there I went through the swinging doors and headed straight for the lunch line. Standing behind the serving table were several women in hairnets, handing out food. I couldn't figure out if they were nurses or if they only worked in the cafeteria. Then I decided that it didn't matter. I slid my tray along the line and smiled politely at the women as they put the food onto my tray. I paid the man at the end of the line then set off to find a seat. I found a place to sit and sat down. I looked down at my tray. I had no idea what I had for lunch. I wasn't paying any attention.   
"Let's see here, mashed potatoes, peas, chicken, apple slices," I muttered to myself.   
" Well it's not a gourmet meal, but it'll do,"   
I started eating the potatoes when I felt a small tug on my arm. I looked down and saw a little boy with shiny black hair and big blue eyes staring up at me.   
" Guess what?" he whispered loudly.   
" What?" I asked him.   
" I get to eat in the cafeteria today," he said proudly.   
He gets to eat in the cafeteria? Then that would mean he was a patient. This kid was only about six or seven though. Why the hell was he in the psychiatric ward of the hospital? I felt tears come to my eyes but I blinked them out.   
" That's great. What's your name?" I asked him.   
" Caleb", he said   
He seemed very proud that he was talking to a "grown up".   
" Caleb huh?"   
"That's a very tuff name," I told him.   
He looked at me with a confused expression on his face.   
" What does tuff mean?" he asked.   
" It means something really great," I said.   
He smiled at this.   
"What's your name?" he asked me.   
" Two Bit," I answered him.   
He giggled.   
" No, what's your real name?" he asked me.   
" Keith, but Two Bit is what all my friends call me," I said.   
He nodded with a very serious look on his little face.   
" Can I call you Two Bit?" he asked me.   
" Sure kid, "I told him.   
" Tuff," he said and giggled.   
Then he left the table and then turned around and waved at me.   
" Bye Two Bit," he called.   
" Bye Caleb," I called back.   
He ran back to me and put something in my hand. It was a small Band-Aid.   
" This will help you get better if you ever get hurt," he told me seriously.   
" Thanks kid," I said and watched him run off again.   
I stared sadly down at the Band-Aid in my hand.   
I couldn't stop thinking about why a little kid would be in here. I realized that I didn't want to know.   
I looked back down at my food tray. He was a cute kid. He was only six or seven though. Damn.****

**A/N. Yay, I'm almost at chapter twenty! Thanks for reading and if you have any questions just ask in a review.**   
**Fyremoon**   



	20. When You Wish Upon A Star

When You Wish Upon a Star......****

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders I only own the plot and any unknown characters. The song "When You Wish Upon a Star" belongs to Disney.**   
**A/N. Thanks for reading this guys. Even when it takes me a while to update. Hopefully there aren't a lot of typos. If there are you can probably figure out what I wanted to say.******

***Dally's POV***   
*** When Two Bit is eating lunch***

I was completely alone in the room with Ponyboy, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. What if he tried to do himself in again?   
" I won't" a tired and raspy voice came from the bed.   
I jumped a little and mentally slapped myself for getting scared.   
" Won't what?" I asked Pony.   
He sat up as much as he could.   
" Kill myelf"   
"Not today anyway" he added as an afterthought.   
"Kid," I started to say.   
"What? Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked me. Staring at me with those gray green eyes of his that I had seen become so cold.   
" Pony, you're... well you're my friend so I don't really want you to die," I told him.   
"I bet you couldn't handle it," he said quietly.   
" Damn it! I have seen stuff in New York that would make your head spin," I yelled.   
" Don't yell, it's not good for the patients on this floor," he said.   
Why the hell did he have to remind me that we were on the Pyschiatric ward?   
" Fine, I won't yell, but what I said's true," I said.   
" I don't think I can ever tell," he said softly.   
"Tell what?" I asked him.   
"Why I did what I did," he whispered.   
"What about Johnny or Soda, can't you tell them everything?" I asked him.   
" Not even them, and especially not the doctor that comes in and talks to me everyday," he said bitterly.   
He started absentmindedly stroking the white bandage on his arm with his fingers. It was a brand new bandage, just replaced a few minutes ago.   
" Aren't you supposed to tell the doctors?" I asked dryly.   
" Dally, think about it. Would you spill the secret torments of your inner soul to a complete stranger?" he asked me.   
"Probably not," I muttered.   
" Knowing you, you wouldn't even tell your best friend," he said.   
" That's probably true too, but I'm going to tell you something," I said to him.   
He looked at me in confusion and surprise.   
" Tell me?" he echoed.   
"Yeah...." I said.   
For a minute I couldn't find the words I wanted. I wasn't sure if I should tell him, but I was all ready in this deep.   
" You're not the only member of the gang that's tried to do him in," I told him.   
He was shocked.   
"What the fuck? Why the hell...." he swore.   
It was sort of amusing in a sick twisted way. I had never heard Pony swear like that before.   
"Yup, last year," I said nonchalanty as if I was talking about a picnic or something.   
"How?" he asked.   
I think I'm going to be eternally grateful to that kid for not asking why. I guess he understands that you don't always know why.   
"Same wayyou did," I told him.   
" Pills?" he asked.   
"Yeah, I went to the hospital after I realized that I didn't want to die after all," I said.   
"So that's where you were those few days, we couldn't find you anywhere," he mused.   
"Right, but can you promise me something?" I asked him.   
"Sure, Dal,"   
" Don't tell anyone, I don't want people to think of me as weak," I said.   
I saw the slightly hurt look in his face and realized what I had just said.   
"Sorry kid, I didn't mean it the way it sounded," I told him.   
Did I just apoloize sincerly?   
" I know you didn't Dally, don't worry about it," he said softly.   
" Ok," I said but my voice was unsure.   
"Really Dally, I'll be fine," he insisted.   
"For how long?" I wanted to ask but kept my mouth shut.   
I sat down on the edge of his bed.   
"So..." I trailed off.   
" I don't know how the weather is, I can't see outside," he said with a hint of remorse in his voice.   
" Hannah can though," he said after a minute.   
"Is that the girl who wrote the poem?" I asked him.   
" Yeah, I haven't talked to her in a while though," he said.   
Slowly Pony got up from his bed and went over to the small door on the wall.   
" Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" I asked him.   
He gave me an incredilous look as if my showing concern for anyone but myself was the biggest newsflash of the century.   
"Well yeah most of the time, but this is nothing," he told me.   
" Kay" I said   
Pony knocked on the door four times then stood back. It looked like he was waiting for something. Suddenly, the door opened and a figure came out of it. They stood up and then I was able to see them more clearly. It was a girl with shoulder length black hair and light brown eyes. She was very thin and looked like she was sick.   
"Hey Colt," she greeted Pony with warm affection.   
"Hey yourself, Banana," he said in a teasing tone.   
I hadn't heard Pony speak like that in a long time. They both walked back over to Pony's bed and sat down on it next to me.   
"Banana?" I wondered outloud.   
The girl who I assumed was Hannah looked straight at me.   
"Hey," I said.   
There was something about her eyes that made me feel uneasy. She was only about fourteen or fifteen, but her eyes were too old for her. Like Pony's eyes.....   
"Hi, are you a loon?" she asked me.   
"Huh?" I asked.   
" She means are you a patient or a visitor," Pony explained.   
"Visitor," I said.   
"Hmmm ok," she said.   
Then she looked at me a little closer.   
" You've tried it too, have't you?" she asked me.   
"Tried what?" I asked her.   
" The same thing that got me and Colt here in the first place," she said.   
" Yeah, but how'd you know? The only person besides the doctors that knows that is Ponyboy and I just told him a few minutes ago," I said   
" Sometimes I can just tell," she said.   
"It was kinda creepy," I said.   
" She does have that affect," Pony said.   
"Watch it Colt," she warned.   
He smiled at her.   
" That guy's got it bad, I just hope she's not a complete lunatic," I thought.   
" Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you something," Pony said.   
"Shoot," she said.   
She seemed like a slightly louder version of Ponyboy.   
"How's the weather?" he asked her.   
" It's fine, nice and cloudy, but last night there where so many stars.." her voice took on a more childish tone.   
"Really?" Pony asked in a wistful voice.   
"Yeah, and I wished on some of them," she said quietly.   
" I can't tell you though because then they won't come true," she said   
" I understand," Pony said   
"Thanks Pony, you're a true friend," she told him.   
The tips of his ears were turning red, and I didn't say anything because I could tell this was a special moment for them.   
"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are," she started to sing in a soft sweet voice.   
"Anything your heart desires will come to you," Pony sang with her. He had a pretty good singing voice for a guy. I wondered if his brother's knew he could sing. Somehow I knew the answer was no. They sang the whole song together.Harmonizing so well together that even I could tell it was good.   
" When you wish upon a star your dreams come true," they finished together.   
I hate emotional moments.   
" That's one of my favorite songs," Hannah said.   
" It's a nice one," I said.   
They both looked at me in alarm.   
" I forgot you were here Dally," Pony said.   
"Dally? Is that your name?" Hannah asked me.   
" Dallas actually," I said.   
She looked at the old beaten watch on her wrist.   
" I gotta go, I promised Caleb that he could come by and visit me, nice to meet ya Dally, bye Colt," she said.   
"Caleb?" I asked wondering who it was.   
"My little brother, he's a patient on this floor too. He arrived right after I did," she said sadly.   
" Oh," was all I could say.   
" Yeah, well I'll see you soon," she said.   
"Bye Hannah," Pony said as she left.   
I could tell the kid was getting tired and I suggested to him that he lay down for a while. He must've been really tired because he agreed without any arguments. Usually it took a lot of persuading to get Pony to rest.   
" She seems like a tuff girl," I said to him.   
"She is, like my long lost twin or something. She's had to go through way too much bad shit in her life for someone who's such a great person," Pony sleepily said.   
" Yeah, and did she say her little brother is here"? I asked him.   
" Caleb, he came here a little after she did, I guess he couldn't take what was happening to his family. He's only about seven thouh," Pony said.   
"That's young," I said in disbelief.   
"I've never met him, but he seems like a good kid," Pony said.   
Then he yawned widely and said,   
" I'm going to sleep now. Thanks Dally, I think I'm starting to feel better," he said and closed his eyes.   
"Sure kid," I said and stepped out into the hall to find the other guys. I knew what Pony meant by "better" and I hoped it was true. No one like Pony deserves something like this. Or anyone like Hannah or her little brother Caleb. No one on this floor deserved this really.   
" When you wish upon a star," I sang quietly to myself as I went to look for the rest of the gang. Damn emotional moments.****

**A/N. That was chapter 20. Loads of dialogue, I know. I hope you guys liked it. If you have any questions or comments donut forget to leave a review.**   
**Love ya.**   
**Fyremoon.**


	21. Something We Never Knew

Something We Never Knew  
  


  
Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize as S.E Hinton's isn't mine. Anything you don't recognize probably is mine.  
A/N . Thanks for all the reviews guys. Now a few responses.  
Yeah, maybe it wouldve been more angsty if Dally and Johnny weren't alive, but their perspective on all of this fits into the story later.  
Maybe the gang didn't pay this much attention to Johnny and Dally when they were in the hospital, but then they didn't try to commit suicide. And in the book, they were in the hospital only a little bit. Because Dally leaves and Johnny...dies.  
And yes I know Dally is a little OOc, but the only POV we get in the novel is from Ponyboy.   
Thanks to everyone that reviewed chapter 20.  
  
  
*Johnny's POV*  
* Right after chap 20*  
  
Hey man you got a ciggarette? I asked Steve  
He shook his head.  
No smokin' in hospitals, Johnnycakes,  
Yeah, I just need something, I said  
Well uhhh here's.... no... Two Bit said as he rummaged through his pockets  
What're you lookin' for? Soda asked him  
Two Bit shrugged  
I dunno, something, he said   
Where's Dally? Darry asked  
With Pony I think, Steve said  
I thought Pony was sleeping, Two Bit said  
Maybe he's awake now, I said  
You wanna go check? asked Soda  
Yeah, we'll all go, Darry said  
We walked down the hall for a little bit, then we turned the corner and ran into Dally. I hate corners, its always hard using my crutches around them. When I say we ran into Dally, I mean it. We did, literally. He and Steve walked straight into eachother.  
Damnit Randle! Dally yelled.  
Steve asked.   
I cringed a little. Steve was using the voice. The one he used when he was really angry. The same kind of voice I hear from my so called parents every friggin' day.  
Guys, c'mon, it was just an accident, Two Bit said  
He kept looking at me with a nervous expression on his face. Why do I have to be the jumpy one?  
Yeah, all right, Steve said in a voice that was more normal.  
Where were you Dal? asked Soda  
Talking to Ponyboy, and some girl he knows, said Dally.  
He took out a ciggarette from his pocket, lit it and started to smoke it. Dally has never and never will pay attention to rules. Now that I think about it, Steve doesn't either.  
Girl? I ask him  
Yeah, Hannah something or other, he said.  
He turned away from me and blew four perfect smoke rings. With most guys, Dally would've been blowing the smoke right on them, but some reason he turns away from me.  
Oh yeah, she wrote that poem, Soda said  
Tuff poem, I said to no one in particular.  
What's she like? Darry asked Dally.  
Hmmmm, a little strange, even for .......here, but she and Pony seem to get along real well, Dally said  
Darry seemed glad to hear that.  
I'm glad he's made a friend here, Darry said, but his voice was unsure.  
They sang some song when I was there, it was pretty depressing, Dally said.  
Pony and Hannah? Steve asked   
Dally gave Steve a look.  
No, the Beatles, yeah Pony and Hannah.  
Dally turned his attention back to Soda and Darry.  
Yeah, did you know that Pony can sing?  
He can? asked Soda  
Yeah pretty well, and it made him seem almost, I dunno, happy, Dally said  
I have heard of free lessons over at the rec center, mused Darry.  
Well there you go, i...... when Pony gets out of here he can do that, Dally said.  
He placed his ciggarette butt on a nearby ashtray. Wait, a minute. Ashtray? Steve said.......what the hell, why am I listening to Steve anyway? I glimpsed at Steve's face and saw that he was only joking. Strange though, because Two Bit is the usual joker of the group. And Steve was... well the angry one. Annoyed at myself for falling for that, I lit up my own and began smoking somewhat furiously. Dally looked at me and frowned a little.  
Hey slow down Johnnycakes, or else we'll be putting you in here for lung disease or somethin' Dally said.  
I stared at him. Then I shook my growing bangs out of my face and slowed down a little. Dally can really sound almost parental sometimes. I'd never tell him unless I'd feel like getting my ass kicked. But maybe he wont...... Like the night when Pony fell into the fountain and Dally made him change clothes.  
Hey Johnny, we're gonna go see Pony now. You coming? Soda asked me.  
Yeah, give me a sec, I said and shivered even though it wasn't cold.  
Two Bit touched my arm.  
Johnny, you ok?  
I nodded and forced myself to look normal.  
I'm fine, don't worry bout it, I told him.  
All right Johnnycakes, but you know we all worry about you sometimes, he said  
I frowned.  
Yeah, wish you wouldn't though,  
Ahhh, don't worry Johnny, we're just concerned, he said  
Ok, can we go be concerned about Pony? I asked.  
Sure kid, he said  
Two Bit, don't call me kid, I told him.  
Why not, you're younger than me aren't you? he asked me  
Yeah, but it makes me feel like a .....little......kid,   
Johnny, you ain't a little kid, Two Bit said to me.  
His expression softened a little and he said in a quieter voice,  
No, after all the shit you've been through and how you've handled it, you're definitely not a little kid,  
Hey, Two Bit, I'm going now, I said to him a sort of loud voice.  
He snapped out of whatever trance he was in.  
Yeah? All right man, he said with an emphasis on man.  
Two Bit, sometimes you really are too much, I told him.  
Yeah, but where would you guys be without me? he asked with a cocky grin.  
Definitely not in Hawaii, I know that.  
Hawaii, what the hell....I swear Johnny, you're getting stranger everyday, he said  
We were almost at the door to Pony's room. It strange, but I kinda like how Pony has a room instead of just a bed and a curtain.  
Yeah, guess its because I'm around you so often, I said and quickly walked inside the room before Two Bit could say anything.  
He was right, well in a way. I was different. I've been like this ever since I got back from Windrixville. For some reason I think it made me stronger, better. No, I know it did.  
Hey Pony, how ya feeling? I asked him.  
I looked down at the fourteen year old in the bed. He was pale, and looked thinner than he had ever been. His grey-green eyes seemed tired and his hair was still partly blonde.  
I'm all right, just a little tired, he said  
Pony was always a little tired.  
I heard from Dal that he met Hannah, I said after a moment of silence.  
Pony then made the closest facial expression to a grin that I had seen in a long time.  
Yeah, she's something else, he said  
Tuff, I said  
You know what, Johnny? he asked me  
I shook my head.  
I think I love her, he said  
I was shocked.  
Love, you know thats a pretty big thing, I said dumbly.  
No, not the way Soda loves..loved Sandy, but its like shes my twin or somethin', he said  
I was starting to understand.  
So like a bond, like you're always talking about? I asked.  
Yeah, I don't think I would've survived this place without her, he said  
Then he added,  
You guys were a big help too,  
Don't say anything, I told him.  
Pony stopped for a minute and closed his eyes. Then he continued what he was saying.  
They're making me go see this woman for therapy, and shes all right I guess, but its not the same as talking to Hannah or you guys, and I told Hannah something, something I haven't even told you guys yet, and she says I should tell. I think thats why I love her, cause I really think I should tell too, and yeah.... he was rambling by now.  
Pony, you ok? I asked him.  
Yeah, but I need to tell you something, he said  
I'm listening, I said  
Remember the night I took the pills? he asked  
Yeah.... I remember, I said  
How many pills did you guys think I took? he asked  
This conversation was making me feel kind of uneasy.  
Soda said about fifteen, but I didn't get it cause you got so sick, I said  
Yeah. I did take fifteen, and then about fourty five more, he said  
I asked in a numb sort of way.  
I had a bottle hidden under my bed, just for me when I had a headache or something, and that night I also got the bottle from the bathroom, which was almost empty, and I took them both. You're the first one besides Hannah that I've told, he said  
Pony...... Pony, my mouth was dry.  
Why didn't you tell us sooner? I asked him.  
Why didn't the doctors say anything, they knew Pony must've taken a lot of pills to end up like that, I thought angrily.  
Just like a lot of other things,...... I was scared, he said  
You shouldn't be scared, you know we all want to help you, I told him.  
I know, well I know now, he said  
He didn't say anything else and I was wondering what was going on. I noticed that he had a few tears falling down his face and I was about to say something to him.  
Damnit! Fuck this! I hate this! Damn it! Pony yelled, his face twisted with rage through his tears.  
Hey Pony, calm down, it'll be ok, I told him.  
He continued to scream and yell.  
Pony! Come on, calm down, Two Bit said to him.  
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Pony was starting to look blue.  
What's wrong with him? Soda asked.  
I don't know, said Steve  
He's spazzing out or something, Dally said  
As quickly as it started it stopped and Pony slumped over in his bed. Some doctors rushed in and they pushed me away. I saw them get out a needle and inject what ever was in it in Pony's arm. Finally they stepped back.  
He's sleeping, one of them said with a fake smile.  
No, he's drugged, I thought.  
But I didn't say it, I didn't want to believe it had come this far.  
  
  
Ok that was chaper....21 right? Lol, ok please tell me what you think because I love you all.


	22. The Past is My Future

The Past is My Future.

Disclaimer: I'm going to reveal some shocking news. I'm not SE Hinton.

AN . Thanks sooo much for reviewing this, I love all of you like my small intestine. This story is almost over. Three more chaps after this.

*Pony's POV

*A few hours later

I felt groggy and weighted down. I knew I had slept, but this felt different. There was something about this that wasn't like all the others. I struggled to open my eyes and see what was around me. I knew it would just be the same white walls I saw everyday. I don't know why they can't put some color in this place. That's why half the people on this floor go truly crazy. They don't have any colors to look at, no bright hopes to gaze upon. Just the same dull white sameness. I strained to open my eyes and saw that there was someone beside me.

" Johnny?" I whispered weakly

He looked at me and smiled faintly. Was it my imagination or did he seem more tired that usual. Damn me for doing this to all of them.

" Hey man, how ya feeling?" he asked me

" Kind groggy, what happened and where's the rest of the gang?"

He seemed almost like he didn't want to tell me. Finally after a long moment of him starting at the floor he sighed and said,

" The gangs here, but I'm just really close to your bed. And as for what happened, I'm not really sure," he said.

" Then tell me what you do know" I practically demanded. 

I wasn't going to be lied to anymore about anything. I could take it.

" Calm down Pony, all right, you spazzed out or something, and the doctors had to give you something to calm you down, so I guess that's why you're groggy," he said

" Why'd I spaz out?" I asked him

He sighed again.

" We were talking about the night we brought you here and you told me the truth about your Od ing, then you freaked and started screaming and cussing," he said

" Sorry."

" Don't be,"

If there was one thing I truly wished was that the gang would quit saying, " the night we brought you here,". Why couldn't they just call it "the night I attempted suicide"? Or even the night "I tried to kill myself"? Hell, I'd be happy if they called it "the night you tried to do yourself in for the first time." That was right, that was my first attempt. Out of..how many was it? Was it three? I'd read somewhere that we all dying slowly, and sometimes the process was sped up. That was me all right, but instead of the process being sped up, it was sped up then slowed down then sped up again. I'm not sure if I can take it anymore.

" Pony, are you ok?" Johnny's voice showed concern.

" I'm fine," I said quickly.

Was it too quickly? Johnny seemed content with my answer so I guess not.

" Where're Darry and Soda?" I asked.

" I'll get them, they don't know you're awake yet," he said

" Ok,"

I stared at the ugly white walls in front of me. Damn this place. This prison. Didn't they know we needed fresh air and sunshine to recover? Couldn't they see we needed to be outside? There was obviously a lot that medical school didn't teach.

" Pony!" Soda cried

" Hey, Sodapop," I replied.

" Pony..you're awake," Darry said quietly.

"I guess so," I said

There was a period of awkward silence. I've always hated those, ever since I was a little kid. 

"Pony..Johnny told us about your overdose," Darry said finally.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Soda asked tearfully.

" I don't know," I said flatly

" You don't know? Pony, that was something we needed to know," Darry said

Soda was now crying freely, but slightly.

" Pony you almost died and I kept thinking how only 15 of those pills could've done that to you,"

I didn't answer him. Couldn't he see what this was doing to me? The reason I'd starting cutting in the first place was because I felt like a burden. Every time I looked at one of the gang I felt like I was being accused. Especially by Johnny and Dally. I look at Johnny everyday on those crutches of his and hate myself for doing that to him. I know Dally must hate me too because Johnny's his pet, and I've crippled him.

" I'm tired.." I said and hoped they would leave so I wouldn't feel so guilty anymore.

" Pony, come on please, just talk to us even if its only about the weather," Soda pleaded.

"The weather? How should I know? I can't see outside from here? So tell me Sodapop, is the sun shining?" I asked bitterly

This placed had changed me and we all knew it.

" Don't me like this Pony," Darry said

" Like what?"

" This all moody," he said.

" Why not? I'm on the right floor for it," I said

" Damnit Pony! Sometimes it seems like you don't want to recover. I've talked to your doctors and they said that for a while you were making a lot of progress and all of a sudden that went down? What happened? I thought you wanted to get better, wanted to leave this place," he said

I just stared at him. What could I say?

" Please little bro..we all want you to be able to walk out of here," Soda said

He had stopped crying.

" Ok, I want out too, but its gonna take time," I said in a weary voice.

" Is there something that you think would help?" Darry asked

" Yeah.get me the sun and blue skies with clouds. Give me a million and one sunsets and a few sunrises for good measure. Give me good thoughts about this world we live in, but most of all, take away all the scars on my arms because I don't want them anymore. I know you guys can't really give me any of that so I guess there's really nothing," I said

Then I turned away from them so I wouldn't have to see their expressions. Before I did, I saw the new tears in Soda's eyes, and in Darry's too.

Ok that was chapter 22. Good ? Bad? Please review.

Luv. Fyre


	23. Failed

Failed

Disclaimer: I only own the plot

A/N Thanks for reading

****

Darry's POV

I stared at the back of my little brother's head.

" Pony, please turn around," I whispered

He didn't say anything

" Ok, we're gonna leave now.." Soda said

" Hannah, I want Hannah," Pony mumbled

I know it shouldn't have hurt that Pony wanted her more than he wanted us, but it did

" Ok," I said and then we left his bed.

" Hey, do any of you guys know where that Hannah girl is,?" I asked the gang.

Dally pointed a small door that I had never noticed before.

" She's there, behind it," he said

" Why do you wanna know?" Steve asked

" Pony wants to talk to her," Soda said

I went over to the door and tapped on it.

" Yeah?" a girl's voice asked

" It's Darry, Pony's older brother, if you're Hannah then Pony wants to talk to you," I said

There was a pause and then she said,

" Alright, I'll be there in a minute,"

I stepped away from the door and went back to Pony's bed, where the rest of the gang now was.

" And then Mickey Mouse stole my beer and I started chasing him" Two Bit was saying.

" Two Bit, you haven't been umm experimenting have you?" I asked

He grinned his usual grin.

" Naww, just a dream I had last night," he said

" I thought all your dreams involved blondes," Pony said softly.

We all looked at him.

" Yeah, they do most of the time,"

" I'm not surprised," Johnny said

This time we all looked at him.

Before anyone could say anything else the door on the side opened and a girl stepped out. She looked very thin, with shoulder length black hair and expressive brown eyes. She wore jeans and a t shirt that said, " I'm not smiling, it's a facial twitch," 

" Hannah?" I asked

" The one and only," she said

Her voice sounded tired, like Pony's did sometimes.

" Can I come in?" she asked

" Sure, yeah, sorry," I said

She stepped further into the room and then went to Pony's bed and sat down.

" Hey Colt," she greeted.

Pony's eyes met hers.

" Hey Han," he said

"Watcha up to?" she asked

" Nothing, same as always," he said and sighed

She nodded

" So who are your friends?" she asked, looking around at all of us.

" Well I think you met my brother Darry, and you've met Dally, that's my other brother Sodapop and that's Johnny, Steve, and Two Bit."

" Alright," she said

" How old are you?" Two Bit asked her

" I'm fifteen , not a bad age to be," she said

" So, are you and Pony friends?" Johnny asked

" No, we hate each other's guts," she said jokingly.

There was more silence.

" Hannah, you look too thin," Pony scolded her.

That was Pony for you, he could be minutes away from death and he'd still be concerned for other people.

" Don't worry Colt, they're not gonna move me in with the Foodies," she said

" Foodies?" Steve asked

" Yeah, the anorexic and bulimic girls," she said

" I saw one of them," Soda said

" What'd she look like?" Hannah asked

" Blonde hair, but it was really thin, she looked like a living skeleton," he said

" That's Anna, I don't think she realizes how thin she is," she said

She frowned and looked all around the room and then at Pony.

" Hey Colt, I'm gonna go take a nap, I'm really tired," she said

" Ok, come back whenever," he said

" Thanks..ummmm Pony, you're a good friend," she said 

I could see now that her eyes were watering. What was going on?

" You are too," Pony told her

She left the room.

" So, is she like your girlfriend?" Two Bit asked Pony

The tips of his ears turned red.

" No, just a really good friend,"

****

30 minutes later

We all had been talking to Pony for about half an hour and he seemed like he was doing really well. Then out of the blue he started frowning.

" What's wrong?" Johnny asked him

"Something's not right," Pony said softly

"What do you mean?" I asked

" I don't know,"

" Is it you?" Soda asked

" No," Pony said

" Ok," Dally said

Suddenly Pony's eyes widened.

" Someone go check on Hannah," he said

" I thought she was sleeping," Steve said

" Please, just do it," Pony pleaded

I could tell that he was starting to get upset so I went over to the door and lightly tapped on it. No one answered so I knocked on it, then harder.

" I'll be right back," I muttered and left the room.

" Where're ya going?" I could hear Soda ask

I walked down the hall a little and then came face to face with a doctor.

" Can I help you?" he asked

" Yeah, the girl who's in the room next to my brother, she's a friend of his and she's not responding when I knock on that door that connects their rooms," I said

His eyebrows furrowed together.

" Hannah Frank," he muttered

" Alright, thank you for telling me," he said

" No problem," I told him and went back to Pony's room.

" Darry.." Sods started to say

I shook my head briefly to indicate that he shouldn't ask.

" Where's Hannah?" Pony asked me

" I guess she just a deep sleeper," I said

He started shaking his head back and forth,

" No, she's not, not at all," he said

" Calm down Pony," Soda said

" I'm sure everything's fine," I said

" Yeah, uhhh maybe she didn't want to get out of bed or something," Two Bit said

" No, that's not like her," Pony said in a quiet voice.

" Lets just wait and see what's happening," Johnny said

We didn't have to wait long. About twenty seconds after he'd said that a doctor appeared in the doorway.

" Is this the room of Ponyboy Curtis?" he asked

" I'm Pony, where's Hannah?" he asked

" I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Ms. Frank has passed away," he said

" Passed away? What do you mean? Is she dead?" Pony demanded.

The doctor sighed,

" Yes, she's dead," he said

His voice seemed to have no emotion. How long had he been working here that he was immune to all of this?

" We just saw her," I said 

" I'm very sorry," the doctor said

He didn't sound sorry.

" How?" Pony asked

" I don't think."

" I don't give a damn what you think, tell me!" Pony yelled

I was so surprised that I didn't tell Pony not to yell

" She hung herself," the doctor said and left.

" Are you gonna be alright?" Johnny asked

" I can't believe it, she was like my soul mate," Pony said

" I know, but you two seemed like really good friends, I think she would've wanted you to move on," I said

" How would you know?" he asked

" I don't, that's why I said I think," I said

" I should've known," Pony said sadly

"How could you've known, don't blame yourself," I told him

" Darry's right," Johnny said

" There was something in her eyes," Pony said softly

" Her eyes?" Dally asked

"Yeah, I saw something, but I didn't say anything, and now she's gone," he said

" It's not your fault, I think she had her mind made up," Soda said to him.

Pony didn't say a word. Then he started gasping and wheezing.

" Pony, take it easy," Dally said

Pony closed his eyes, but continued to gasp and wheeze.

" No, no, no," he kept muttering.

" Maybe we should get a doctor in here," Steve said

He looked sort of concerned. If Steve was looking concerned about Pony, then this wasn't good.

" I will," Dally said and got up.

He came back with the doctor a minute later.

The doctor looked at Pony and muttered,

" Panic attack,"

Then before any of us could say anything he injected something into Pony's arm.

Pony's eyes opened for a moment, then closed.

****

Four days later 

It's been four days since Hannah died and Pony's not any better. In fact he's worse, a lot worse. I think he was finally started to recover a little from his suicide attempts, then Hannah hung herself, and he's been so withdrawn. I blame it for the most part on his doctors, they keep injecting him with one thing or another. Its no wonder he won't respond to us, he's so doped up.

" Mr. Curtis, may I speak to you?" a doctor asked me

" Yes, I said.

We were out in the hallway.

" I think it would be best for your brother if he were moved to a mental clinic," he said 

" Mental clinic? What do you mean?" I asked him

" Ponyboy is rapidly reaching what we call a catonic state, there's really not much more we can do for him here in the hospital, there's a very nice place about twenty miles from here"

I cut him off

" Are you saying my brother won't recover from this?" I asked in a choked voice.

" It doesn't seem like it, and if you want him to have a chance for recovery then you will allow him to be moved to the clinic," he said and walked off

I stepped into the room. I was sure my anger was written all over my face.

" What did he want?" Soda asked

He reached over to brush Pony's hair back. Pony didn't look at him, didn't flinch, nothing. All he did was stare straight ahead and yell Hannah's name every once in a while.

" He said Pony was becoming catonic and we should move him to a mental clinic," I said

" Mental clinic?" Soda whispered.

I couldn't do anything but nod.

" Are you?" Steve asked

" I hate to, but the doctor said his best chance for recovery was there," I said numbly

" Why not here, in a hospital where he can get medical attention?" Johnny asked

I didn't know what to say.

" If it'll be good for Pony" Two Bit said and looked at my little brother.

" Damnit! Those bastards! It's their own damn fault he's like this, they keep injecting shit into his arm," Dally said angrily.

I didn't know what to say to that either. We all had wanted Pony to recover , to be the kid he used to be. Now, I think there's about as much of a chance of that as Dally becoming a Soc. And for some reason, I hate myself for it, because I feel like I've failed my little brother.

AN wow, that was long..ok please r/r.

Fyre. 

Yes, I know that was bad. 


	24. Sleep

Sleep Ê Disclaimer: I only own the plot ANÉ..Be warned, much angst, or at least I think there will be. Ê Soda's POV Five days later Ê " Please wake up, Pony," I begged my little brother and stroked his arm. Pony didn't answer me. He hasnÕt been answering anyone for five days. Funny how some things make you look at time differently. A while ago, five days was nothing. Now it seems like an eternity. The worst thing is, Pony's eyes are opened. Just staring ahead blankly. I'm not even sure if he blinks. " Hannah!" Pony yelled ThatÕs all he'll ever say now. He cries out the name of a friend he couldn't have saved. " Shhh, shhh, it's ok," I said I know that was pointless. Pony was having a nightmare now, and we couldn't wake him up. " I wish you could just go to sleep," I told him. He shuddered from demons we couldn't see. " How is he?" Dally asked " Same," I said " I'm sorry Soda," he said That was the most sincerity I've ever seen from Dallas Winston. " I know, I wish he would get better," I said " We can blame the doctors in this place," he said "Maybe," I said sadly. " They keep injecting whatever that shit is into his arm, maybe if they stoppedÉ.." Dally trailed off. " At least he's not in that mental clinic," I said " Yeah, are they gonna make you move him?" he asked I sighed " Darry's been talking to the doctors about it for five days, they say its what's best for him, and he says a place where he can get actual medical attention is better for him," I said " What about you?" Dally asked me. " I don't know, or care really, I just want him to look at one of us and say something," I said " Yeah, I keep thinking that the kid's gonna snap out of it," he said Two Bit came over and joined us. " Any thing different?" he asked us " Same as yesterday, and the day before thatÉ." I said He nodded " He's not in a coma is he?" he asked " The doctors called it being cationic, I don't know what the hell it is," I said Two Bit looked at Pony. " He looks almost like he's sleeping with his eyes open," he said " Yeah, he does," Dally agreed " I think he is sleeping, in a way," I said " Too bad we can't throw cold water on him to wake him up," Two Bit joked half heartily " Or do something," I said " Where's Steve?" I asked I hadn't seen him today " He's out in the hall, muttering and cursing," Two Bit said "Why?" " Its Pony, Steve thinks he hates the kid, then this happens, and you're so upset and you're Steve's best friend, and a whole lot of other shit," Dally said " Maybe I should talk to him," I said " I tried that, he nearly bit my head off," Two Bit said Pony blinked his eyes. " Pony?" I asked He blinked again, but his eyes still had that far away look. " Come on Pony, come back," I pleaded "What's going on?" Two Bit asked " He blinked," I said " Blinked?" Dally echoed " Yeah, but I don't know if it means anything," I said Pony opened his mouth, and we all looked at him in anticipation. "Hannah!" he screamed I sighed. But something was different, this time Pony didn't stop yelling her name and he looked scared, really scared. " What's he doing?" Two Bit asked The rest of the gang rushed back into the room when they heard Pony's screaming " Can't you calm him down or something?" Steve asked " I can't even get him to look at me, how the hell am I supposed to get him to calm down?" I yelled " You're his brother, figure it out!" he yelled back. In the midst of all that yelling, a doctor walked into the room. Needle in hand, ready to be injected. " Is that all you can do?" Dally asked him when he saw the needle. " It will calm him down," the doctor said in a monotone " Calm him down? The kids cationic for gods sake," Dally said " I'm just following orders," he said " Bullshit," Dally muttered Dally seemed to be the one that was the most upset about the injections. Or at least the one that spoke of it the most. "Its what's best for him," the doctor said Like every other time, the fluid of whatever was in that needle was injected in Pony's arm before we could say anything. Pony screamed Hannah's name one more time then slumped over and closed his eyes. " Maybe you should have one too, you seem upset," the doctor said to Dally " Don't you come near me with that stuff," Dally said in a low warning tone. The doctor just shrugged. "Alright," he said and left " Is that all they know how to do?" Two Bit asked "Pony doesn't deserve to be treated like this," Johnny said " What do you mean Johnnycakes?" I asked him " The doctors in this place don't even treat him like a person anymore," he said " I know, and I'm not sure if they will in that clinic either," Darry said " At least here, we know there's doctors nearby," he said "Yeah, Pony needs the best we can give him right now," I said I tried not to notice Steve staring angrily at me when I said that. Ê Three days later " Is Pony still asleep?" I asked Johnny "Yeah, since noon," he said "What time is it now?" I asked " It's four o'clock," Darry answered I leaned over Pony's bed. "At least he looks kind of peaceful now," I said "Yeah. Maybe he's having good dreams," Two Bit said " I hope so," I muttered I leaned brushed some hair back from his forehead. He was cold. " Pony," I whispered in a panicked voice. "What's wrong Sodapop?" Steve asked me " Pony, he's cold," I said Steve sighed and gave me a look of slight disgust. " He's sleeping, don't worry about it," " Yeah, alright," I really tried not to worry about it. But I couldn't help it. I looked closer at my brother. His chest was no longer moving up and down to indicate breathing. " Darry!" I said " Soda, he's asleep, just calm down," he said " He's notÉhe's notÉ." " Not what?" Dally asked me They all seemed so calm. " Breathing," I said "Are you sure?" Darry asked and jumped up to his feet. " He's not moving," I said " MaybeÉ." Two Bit trailed off Darry pressed his fingers into the side of Pony's neck. " No," I whispered He pressed again, then put his hand on Pony's chest. The next words he said were the worst words I've ever heard in my life. " I can't find a heartbeat," he said in a choked voice. "What? There has to be one!" I cried " I can't fine one," he said in that same choked voice. " You sure Darry?" Johnny asked him " Yes," he said Dally pressed his fingers against Pony's neck. " Neither can I," he said " How could that have happened? We've been with him the whole time!" I cried " I don't know," Darry said " Go find someone," I said No one had to get up. A doctor came into the room for routine checkups. " Is everything all right?" he asked us. " We can't find a pulse," Darry told her I was too numb to say anything. He didn't say a word. He went over to Pony and took his pulse, then waved a hand in front of his face. Finally the doctor opened his eyes and peered into them. " Time of death, 4:12 p.m.," he said " Liar!" I screamed " I'm very sorry," he said Why was it that whenever they said sorry, they didn't seem as though they meant it? Was it too much to ask for a little sincerity? Some sympathy? " I don't understand, how could he be dead, we've been here all day, or at least for most of it," Darry said "Some patients on this floor simply lose the will to live," the doctor explained No one said anything, " Or, as some people do, they die of a broken heart," he added There was a heavy silence. "Hannah," Johnny whispered through his tears. "Why didn't you even try to save him?" I asked the doctor and wiped my eyes. I was crying freely now. " There's nothing we could've done," he said " You didn't try," I accused. The doctor said nothing. "Pepsi," Darry started to say. " No! Dally was right, whatever that was that you kept injecting into his arm, that killed him!" I said "AgainÉ..I'm sorry," he said " No you're not, you're not sorry at all, this is just another day's work to you, you don't care that my little brother is lying there dead and you helped kill him!" I yelled " Maybe I should give you something, a sedative," the doctor said and looked at me. How could he be so damned calm? " Don't come ten feet near me with that stuff," I said " Maybe,É..you should take something, its not good for you to be this upset," Darry said " I think I can be as upset as I want to right now! My brother, our brother is dead!" I yelled I closed my eyes and started to sob. Because my eyes were closed I didn't see Darry hold his head in his hands, then nod at the doctor. I never saw the doctor take out a needle as if from nowhere, or Darry look at the rest of the gang in a way as to indicate they shouldn't stop it. I felt the swab on my arm and startledly opened my eyes. " That's the stuff that killed Pony! DonÕt'É." I never finished though because he plunged the needle into my arm. I could feel the liquid enter me and it was cold. " Darry," I whispered weakly. How could he do this to me? " Shhh, Pepsi Cola, just go to sleep," Darry said and looked away I stared at him with wide, accusing eyes. Then the darkness overtook me and I slept. Ê Ok, the next chapter is the last one. Yeah, I'm going to be killed for this aren't I? Please r/r Fyremoon. Ok.....I donÕt think IÕm going to write anymore....ever.....Its been an interesting journey though. 


	25. AN

Ok..sorry guys, I shouldnÕt have said never. I just meant for a while...the ever was the pms talking. IÕm probably about to be grounded from the computer for a few weeks, and my Muse seems to be on vacation. So.....no stories from me for a while. And....about the FC, hannah, thing. Pony didnÕt love Hannah romantically. He didnÕt really die of a broken heart, even if thats what the Dr. said. He had too many drugs in his system and the combinations of some of them is what killed them. He was in a coma when he died, and thats why he never talked to his brothers and the gang. 


	26. So Much Explained

So Much Explained  
  


Disclaimer, everything you recognize belongs to S.E. Hinton.  
A/N....this was not written this way to please the flamers, it was all part of my plan.  
  
  
  
  
* Soda's POV*  
  
Hey Pepsi-Cola, you awake?   
I could hear Darry's voice sounding much softer than it usually does.  
I nodded slowly.  
Getting there, did I fall asleep?  
I heard a sigh  
No, the doctors had to sedate you with a shot  
Darry no......you didn't let them?  
I know how much you hate that kind of thing, but you were getting hysterical  
Yeah, but just because of.....  
My throat caught  
Oh god.....Ponyboy  
The tears spilled out of my eyes like hot rain.  
No, it'll be like last time, they'll say he's dead, then he'll be fine  
No....Soda....Pony's gone  
His words sounded strange, cut up almost.  
But why....he wasn't sick,  
Yeah he was....and the doctors.....oh god  
Darry broke down sobbing  
I opened my eyes and stared at Darry in shock. Where was my rock, my pillar?  
Darry...is there something else? I asked  
He removed his hands from his face  
The doctor told me that the drug they were using on Pony was still in its experimental stage...it caused the lab mice's hearts to eventually stop in the tests they ran, they didn't think it'd have the same effect on humans  
The last part was said bitterly  
  
I was right....they did kill him  
I've been mad before, angry even. But this was something different all together. This was pure rage and fury, blinding me. My vision was blurred and I didn't give a damn.  
I know, but theres nothing we can do about it, they're probably going to get rid of the drug and not say a word to anyone  
Its not right, I know Pony had a chance of coming back home  
Even after that whole Hannah incident Darry agreed.  
Yeah, do you really think he loved her more than us? I asked  
Darry pulled me into a hug. It felt awkward at first and then it became more relaxed.  
I don't know what to think any more little buddy he said softly  
They barely knew eachother, I thought we were important to him  
All of a sudden I hated the dead girl named Hannah.  
I don't think it was love...maybe not even friendship, they both just needed someone to talk to, but then what do I know?  
You know a lot Darry, I assured him  
Thanks, I wish I knew more about this, it doesn't seem like reality anymore...more like a bad soap opera  
I tiredly wiped my eyes.  
I wish they'd canceled the soap opera a few weeks ago, I said  
  
Darry rubbed my arm  
I know...its hard letting go,  
If he need someone to talk to, I was there I said and stared at my hands.  
The lines seemed to further every time I looked.  
I know, and Pony did too....but were you going through what he was going through? Darry asked gently  
Ye.......no, I said sadly  
Thats why he went to Hannah, they needed eachother  
I was so sick of all this Hannah bullshit. As far as I'm concerned, both she and the doctors took my little brother from me.  
I needed him too! I yellled  
Soda.... Darry began  
No, Darry! Pony left us, I don't care if that drug stopped his heart, he would've found a way to die anyway! I want to hate him Darry, I want to so bad it hurts, but I can't!! I yelled  
  
Then I saw the look Darry was giving me. His eyes were full pity, love, sadness, anger, disgust, etc. A mixture of emotions all reserved for me. I took a deep breath.  
Darry, quit looking at me like that I said  
He was starting to make me nervous.  
Like what? he asked curiously  
Finally he averted his eyes.  
I can't explain it, but I almost can, its the look you gave Pony when we took him to the hospital that first time, but its different.  
Darry didn't say anything.  
Where are we anyway? I asked him, quickly changing the subject.  
The doctors loungue, they come here to try to sleep whenever they have free time  
Ohh...  
What else could I say?  
So....where's the gang?  
Don't know really, they said we should have some time alone and they went somewhere  
That's tuff  
Darry, what if one day I forget what Pony looks like, I blurted out  
Where did that come from?  
I was just thinking, I told him  
Pony was a part of the family, how could you forget what he looks like, he was our brother, we loved him, he loved us and......  
Darry was babbling now  
This time I was the one who touched his arm in reassurance that it would all be all right.  
I didn't want to tell you this, but sometimes I can't remember what Mom and Dad looked like without looking at their picture first Darry admited.  
I was curious now.  
Why not Darry....its happened to me a few times, maybe it even happened to Pony....we just......  
No! I just. I'm your guardian Sodapop, I shouldn't let emotions get in the way of taking good care of you he interrupted  
You must've been very emotional with Pony I retorted  
He looked at me with pain in his eyes. It wasn't directed towards me or anyone else. It was something entirely his own and he was letting me see it. I now understood that phrase Pony once said about the eyes being the window to the soul.  
Darry, I didn't mean.....  
You didn't mean to, right? he asked  
All of a sudden there was a bad taste in my mouth.  
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I forgot....   
Darry's voice from the past echoed around me like a ghost.  
I closed my eyes and saw the whole god forsaken scene over again.  
Pony coming home late, Darry yelling at him, my defense of Pony, Pony's defense of me, Darry slapping Pony and then the door slamming shut.  
That slap and that door were two of the worst sounds I'd ever heard. At the time they didn't seem that bad, only the situation. Now however, I remember the sounds in my mind. They play like a broken record, just to torment me. The sharp clapping sound of the slap, and the way the door swung on its hinges for a second then slammed into the wall.  
I'm thirsty, I need a drink I said and walked out of the room, my eyes spilling hot rain once again.  
  
  
  
  
  
Please r/r


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